As I look down at my newborn baby. I think to my self, "I cant believe I had another human being inside of me! such a beautiful creature" and at my side is my baby's father. I thought this was going to be the beginning of a beautiful family. I was dead wrong, everything went wrong. He was never around. Here I was barely able to walk, caring for a newborn on my own. As time went on, things just worsened. he started to argue a lot. Many times we fought. As he pushed me around and pulling my hair, I would beg and plea for him to stop. yelling, "please, please stop. This isn't fair, I didn't do anything to deserve this!" The next day he would act like nothing ever happened. The night was almost near...The time I most feared.I slept with a knife by my side under the mattress for protection. I would often worry about if the baby cried, because he would throw something at her. Causing her to have nightmares. If he smoked at night, she would have an asthma attack, Id worry about if I were asleep, if she'd stop breathing...I hated living with him. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells, worrying that if I made a face or said something he didn't like. If I did, I'd get spat in the face, or slapped in the face...I'd often get kicked or punched, at 3am to get up and make something to eat...I hate how my screams of bloody mercy or my pleas yelling "HELP!" through the thin apartment walls, never made the neighbors want to help. Until one day I got down on my knees and prayed to God to help me. To show me the way, to tell me what to do..I prayed and cried for days, until one day he was on one of his bad days, and hit me so bad, I called the police. That was God, who had answered my prayers telling me I must leave. That day I was alone. Alone like I have been since the baby was born. My baby and I spent 10 hours in the emergency room, alone. I had no ride home.... To what home, I had no where to go....To my parents? No I couldn't go there, I didn't want them to know, what had just happened. I was just so scared. I wish this part of my life never happened. Here I am, holding my baby in my arms, begging her forgiveness for letting it get that far. for having her see me cry. she never deserved to see her mommy run and hide. She never deserved to get yelled at by her father just for wanting his attention. To hear me scream, "Stop you're hurting me! Just leave me alone!" The only thing she deserved was a loving family to love and protect her from all evil. And I failed her, I couldn't protect her from the evil that I was living with. My little angel had to see and live in such chaos. this is the part of my life I'd wish to forget.
The Part Of My Life I'd Like To Forget
July 20, 2011