LEMON BLOSSOMS

July 15, 2011
By poetic.eyes PLATINUM, Everson, Washington
poetic.eyes PLATINUM, Everson, Washington
23 articles 3 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
eARTh


My hand, and fingers
wrap around a soft white cup.
Inlaid, in gold is a dragon.
Swiftly my mouth parts at the rim,
taking in
a warm liquid.
It tastes bitter and strong;
as my tongue and the tea
dance together for just a moment.
It is cool to my surprise,
and from the back of my throat
creeps the scent of lemon blossoms.
Sweetly rocked by a breeze
then laid on the earth.
It makes me remember
a time;
when I was a little someone
all alone in the world.
A little someone
flying with the blossoms of spring.
I can not see now
my eyes are fogged and gray.
They have been worn by joy,
and by the light cheerful soul
which once danced among the lemon
Blossoms.

The author's comments:
I wrote this for an assignment about tea. It is slightly confusing at places, but that is what I meant it to be like. Enjoy!

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This article has 13 comments.


asofnow GOLD said...
on Feb. 4 2012 at 12:26 am
asofnow GOLD, Troy, Michigan
18 articles 0 photos 209 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing gold can stay ~ Robert Frost

I like it, the imagery is nice, but the title is what caught my attention.

on Nov. 30 2011 at 2:45 am
RoselieaOak SILVER, Antioch, California
8 articles 1 photo 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nothing is impossible with God."

Very nice! It has a refreshing feel to it. :)

Loftus GOLD said...
on Nov. 29 2011 at 9:12 pm
Loftus GOLD, Ocoee, Florida
11 articles 1 photo 88 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the one who'll decide where you'll go." -Dr. Seuss

I really like this! Great job!

on Nov. 26 2011 at 11:54 pm
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing."
--Markus Zusak, "The Book Thief"

Yeah I was asking about real life, haha. Good to know that I was right in the interpretation! :D

on Nov. 26 2011 at 5:03 pm
poetic.eyes PLATINUM, Everson, Washington
23 articles 3 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
eARTh

what do you mean? That I went blind? In the poem yes, not in real life though.

on Nov. 26 2011 at 3:58 pm
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing."
--Markus Zusak, "The Book Thief"

I like the breezy feel this poem has. The ending was sad, it made it sounds like you (in the poem) had gone blind. Had they?

on Aug. 2 2011 at 10:22 pm
poetic.eyes PLATINUM, Everson, Washington
23 articles 3 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
eARTh

Yes you were harsh, and I am not going to make the changes because this is my stile of writing, also, I am not offended. Thank you for commenting anyhow, it was nice to see what you think.

Eirias SILVER said...
on Aug. 2 2011 at 8:51 pm
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you wish to be a writer, write" -Epictetus

I don't have a whole lot to say about this (right now--I've gone into some of these saying that and then writing a page) because this is a little more all-over-the-place than I'm used to, and in this type of poem almost all changes really don't affect the poem that much, as these are mostly just words floating in the ether. That said, I will now begin:

 

Stanza 1:  "my" instead of "and," put a semicolon, colon, etc. at the end of the line. "Wrapped" instead of "wrap." Line 3= "Inlaid: a golden dragon" however you do it, line 3 isn't working. I don't see why you need "swiftly," and line 4 doesn't make grammatical sense, which could be fixed by " parts to the rim." I don't see why the last line is so long--you aren't adding anything and it's not like you have to fill a certain meter. You could take out the last half or more of the line. Every word counts. If words are not productive, they are just fluff. Like when you whip rope, you cut the ends off of the string because those loose ends aren't doing anything, just hogging space and allowing for a snag.

 

Stanza 2: The first line runs together. You can reverse the order of the sentence, add punctuation, or break the line.

The single "a time" causes a huge hicccup.

 

That's all I have for you. 


on Jul. 29 2011 at 1:09 pm
ohheyyyelli SILVER, Woonsocket, Rhode Island
5 articles 3 photos 178 comments
i love your choice of words and i liked the imagery[:

CarolynQ GOLD said...
on Jul. 26 2011 at 11:42 pm
CarolynQ GOLD, Manalapan, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 220 comments
I loved how you put together the senses, I want some tea now :) I like what your saying in the poem, very different.

on Jul. 26 2011 at 3:38 pm
silver_ice BRONZE, Wheelock, Texas
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
Imagination is the eye of the soul.
-Joseph Joubert
and
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
-Mark Twain ;P

you use such great mood-words in this poem! by the time i got to the end i felt like i could taste lemon tea :)

gigi01 GOLD said...
on Jul. 23 2011 at 10:58 pm
gigi01 GOLD, Seffner, Florida
17 articles 0 photos 64 comments
Great poem, this is very interesting... nice imagery! 

on Jul. 20 2011 at 8:01 am
inkblot13 PLATINUM, Auburn, New York
41 articles 1 photo 162 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If I knew where poems came from, I'd go there"




- Michael Langley, 'Staying Alive'

I really liked this, my favorite lines were "I can not see now..." until the end. It kinda reminded me of how we all have to grow up sometime, whether that be mentally or just by aging. Great job!


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