Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

Nature's Vein

Ugly eight-legged creature,
the colour of nature
I swallow my morose feelings
I'm chained to the still saplings.
I blend in, glad to be invisible,
I am the leaf's heart, untraceable.

Unable to face the cruel soil anymore,
I encase myself, but still flows the gore,
I'm shying away from the world, a coward!
Keeping my sore heart from moving toward
the unknown; I do not want it wounded.
By the cocoon, a product of my fear, I am bounded.

But my betraying fortress, it crumbles
Inviting me to fall down to my troubles
But nature, she comes to my aid,
And into the green I do not fade,
For she gifts me with wings so colourful,
Like the rainbow, I take flight and drink up the world so plentiful.



Join the Discussion


This article has 8 comments. Post your own!

ChocoMint said...
Sept. 5, 2011 at 3:21 pm:

This one is so cool!  I love the differnet point of view.  Only thing I would have to say is, some of your lines (the unknown; I do not want...) I thought broke off or started at odd places.  One suggestion of mine would be, don't be afraid of having relatively short lines and then some long ones, just make sure they flow well.  I like to write with a pattern in my poetry. i.e. Two short, one long, three short, one long, two short, etc.  It gives the poem its own char... (more »)

 
dia.dreamer replied...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 9:22 am :
thanks for the critique! I seriously appreciate it...and yeah, my dad said the same thing about the line you mentioned but I'd already posted this here...the pattern thing you suggest is a really good idea, thanks so much... <3 and yeah, I'll check out your poems. :) keep writing!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
redhairCatThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 4:51 pm:
I think that a lot of people can relate!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Harebelle This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 16, 2011 at 4:08 pm:
I love how you gave the opinion of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, it was very creative. I really like the last line, but all the images are great!
 
Lola_BlackThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm :
I couldn't have said it any better! The whole poem is so vivid, isn't it?
 
dia.dreamer replied...
Aug. 20, 2011 at 3:02 pm :
thanks, you guys. :) I was gonna make this a story first, but then I thought it's more of a poem.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
HeidiJoy12 said...
Jul. 20, 2011 at 12:45 pm:
Love the imagery. Very well put together :)
 
thinkaholic15 replied...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 9:43 am :
thanks... :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Site Feedback