last night i was unpacking boxes and i found my old jewelry box from when i was a tiny baby. it had a little tune that went with it. it made me realize that i might not enjoy living with my mom and my dad and brother but other people have it much worse. and i also realized how much i miss being a little kid again. i stayed up the whole night bawling, begging to be a kid for JUST twenty four hours. i miss not understanding a word everyone says and does. not being able to comprehend or understand what "no" means. it's hard living with parents that have disabilities. it's hard to understand that a brother that has been there for you for 19 years is all of a sudden gone. it's not easy but i have to understand that before everything gets better, it has to get worse. and no one seems to give me a break. i'm always getting yelled at by my family. people stealing my stuff. friends constantly feeling pity for mee. no, i don't want anyone's help. i really, honestly appreciate it but it makes me feel like a piece of trash. an i don't want to end up like my mother and father. not that they are but they aren't exactly stabilized parents. and then there's the people at school and places otherwise who think they're better than everyone else. they judge people because they can't afford to buy nice clothing and shoes. they judge us bcuz we don't get straight A's bcuz we might work harder than them at home. i don't turn in my homework bcuz i'm too busy getting tortured and blamed and yelled at. i don't eat food at home and i get free lunches. whatever i get at school is what i have to eat and all those people out there who don't think what they have is enough and they just have to complain about it and don't work for anything then you're just plain out selfish. bcuz some people in the world have to do crazy things to survive. so stop crying and whining and suck it up. yea. i definitely wish i was two again. it's like walking on thin ice wherever the hell i go anymore. maybe the people out there will stop judging people for what they look like and try to see the personality inside someone. i know i wouldn't ever do that to someone who is a little over weight or someone who doesn't have very great features bcuz it's not the person on the outside who's gorgeous. it's the person on the inside. but the people who do wrong to the people who have to struggle in life are ugly. ugly on the inside and out. so don't bother trying to put another person down bcuz we get the satisfaction of calling you ugly. that jewelry box was a gift from my brother and father and i love it soo much. it's valuable. it made me realize that life isn't worth being angry over. sometimes you just have to forgive and forget. it's actually extremely hard for mee to do that bcuz i have anger management issues. but i still try my hardest to please people and make everyone else's life bearable while mine is a non-stop living hell. but there's something called karma these days. yea, it'll definitely pay you back and i'll laugh in your face bcuz of what you did. but if you think about. your bullying made me the person i am today and i wanna thank you bcuz i'm proud of who i am and i don't wanna change. that jewelry box i the most beautiful object that has come across my path. thanks.
A Beloved Jewelry Box
June 21, 2011