Tranquilizer guns.

I remember a rock
nearby to a pond
just outside of our school building
a sign that said restricted area
one that didn't give us fetters
not in the least.
On the slate below our fingertips
I could lean back
experiencing something
like a sign
telling me
telling me
telling me
that this was love
so honestly
so real
that I believed in.
In other situations
it felt right
came into my mind
as I stared at someone
who I knew stared back
with that imagery of me
that made me a ladybug in their eyes
lucky and beautiful and rare
something they wanted to land on them
to come back to them
making them
smile with their
hands touching mine.
But with you
something entirely different
as much as I want
to deny that,
in a restricted zone
on a rock
by a pond...
I had this glittering feeling
pop up on me
like a piece of fruit filled gum
like a balloon someone
accidentally stepped on
at a party
in a room where they felt
wholesome and popular
dipping chips
taking pool shots
inherently alive and well known.
Still sometimes I tell myself
that when you move on
a literal dislocation
I'll have no reason not to
stumble down to the forest floor
where once the moon shone on our ridiculously
in love selves
to check if
our lightly etched initials
still have the haunting ability
to make me cry.
I'll look at the rock
now in the back of a school yard
wholly open for the children to play on
and I'll remember you
as my first love
someone not forgotten
because doubt
guilt
insult
worry
complications
hyperventilation
or not
I felt you
there
felt like me
there
felt something
mysteriously indescribable
something I know you too
wanted to capture
like a tigress at the zoo
but our tranquilizer guns
just weren't powerful
enough.