Slide string through string trailing from that shiny red balloon down around my neck, this sense of overwhelming loss filling my claustrophobic soul as if nothing is real and we're all just pathetic while your perfect sleep playlist plays calmly in my head. I had a dream about you and everything was on fire and i think that's because nothing else mattered when you were around and I calmly blame that on my inability to feel in touch with this world around me. But blame doesn't always merit anger, remember that, because sometimes its this pure, beautiful serendipity. And i could sail on my ocean of tears for eternity leaning over the side the boat and smiling at the reflection of memories we created but the second I dock this oceans gonna drain straight into those clouds overhead. And there'll be that day when I'm holding HER hand and not yours and those clouds will give up the battle and let it all slip through their fingers to splatter around me and fill up my world and God will swallow me and all of it down with a bored glance because me, and you. we're not special. We're just two smiles that formed the words "I love you" in a dark bedroom in our teenage years. A few fingers intertwined like our lives as we walk into this oblivion. And I hope someday I'll run into you in a coffee shop and you'll have aged as well as your mother and there'll be that smile, and a kid tugging on your arm and Ill look at that child and see "what if?" jotted across her eyes. And then, I think Ill go write because the world deserves to know it exists. If only for a fleeting moment, and if its only a pathetic unimportant nightmare in this world, it DOES exist, but of course, never like ours.
Never Like Ours
July 4, 2011