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The Ocean Waves to Me This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

The ocean waves to me saying,
Hello, do you like the blues?
I bob my head to the beat saying,
Yes, I do do do do do.
I see palm trees swayin’ along
To the beach’s traditional song saying,
We like those tunes,
Too too too too too.

The cliffs rock the seashore
Asking us if we want to hear more
We bang our heads to the foamy strums
As tides crash onto the rock stars’ drums
The footprints left in the sand
Tap their toes along with band saying,
Oh yeah, Woo hoo hoo hoo hoo.

At the end of the day I was sad to see
The high tides of groupies leave
The spotlight was heading down beneath
The horizon, but that doesn’t mean
That the ocean’s dramatic melodies
Will ever stop playing under the sea

Before I go home from this harmonious place
I remember to put a few sand dollars into the musicians’ case
Making sure they know how much I appreciate
The talented entertainment of this date
I scoop up all the notes that I’ve heard today
Put them inside to stowaway
‘Til they come uncorked and start to play
Message for the next one who’s come to get away saying,
Now the ocean’s song is for
You you you you you.




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This article has 48 comments. Post your own!

LaChouette said...
today at 5:12 pm:
I really like this! It's the kind of piece that just makes me smile. Awesome job!
 
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ChrisJThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 4 at 4:32 pm:
Awesome! I loved all of the water, sand, and rock comparisons made here and the wonderful imagery. Definitely a favorite of mine, outstandig job!
 
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snowleopard100 said...
May 12, 2012 at 5:18 pm:
No wonder it was published-the ending is particularly strong; "sandollars in a musician's case," love it!!!! Awesome Job.
 
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girly21This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 23, 2012 at 12:18 am:
impressive poem! makes me feel calm :D
 
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Ariya said...
Mar. 26, 2012 at 7:37 pm:
I like how calm and harmonious this piece is. Just reading it makes me happy.
 
thetruthawaits94This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Mar. 26, 2012 at 10:42 pm :
thank you very much! :)
 
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Ariya said...
Mar. 26, 2012 at 7:37 pm:
I like how calm and harmonious this piece is. Just reading it makes me happy.
 
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Ariya said...
Mar. 26, 2012 at 7:37 pm:
I like how calm and harmonious this piece is. Just reading it makes me happy.
 
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LittleSully said...
Mar. 23, 2012 at 8:58 pm:
Never stop writing! I've read some of your other poems and they're all brilliant.
 
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Branden N. said...
Sept. 15, 2011 at 4:14 pm:
I think what I really enjoyed here were the double meanings. Although the repetition was a bit bland, I still like it a lot.
 
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KyleG This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 8:33 pm:

This is an extremely impressive poem. It's much more difficult to create a sense of importance and depth in a cheerful poem like this, but you succeeded admirably. 

In terms of critiques:

1) The line "The talented entertainment of this date" stopped me when I was reading. The rhyme felt forced because "of this date" didn't quite seem to fit. I'm sure with your talent you can come up with a replacement or rearrangement of that line that might fit more nicely. As it stands th... (more »)

 
thetruthawaits94This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 8:50 pm :
well the line is needed because by putting money into the musician's case (the ocean as the musician), I was thanking them for the entertainment they gave to me on this day at the beach. it isn't a romantic date just a date as in 9/13/11! Didn't mean to confuse! :)  i agree, it does stop the rhythm ! I will have to find a different way to say what i want to say to make it flow better! i'll think on it for sure and fix that! thank you for reading! i really like reading yours! :)
 
thetruthawaits94This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 8:52 pm :
aw man. i hate it when i do that. Exclamation points gone crazy!!!!!! (referring to my reply with like a bajillion of them in there) Oh, well. lol :D
 
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leafyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 2:12 pm:
I love this poem, and yeah, I got the double meanings. Nce job getting an editors choice mark on it! 5/5
 
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Regs_the_Shorty said...
Sept. 10, 2011 at 5:48 pm:
I really liked this but it made me mad to see how this isn't in the magazine because this is brilliant!
 
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silver_ice said...
Aug. 20, 2011 at 1:11 pm:
u are an amazing poet! the play on words were perfect :) and why isn't this in the magazine???
 
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BeLoveTodayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 17, 2011 at 8:08 am:
This poem uses such a clever metaphor, and I can really hear the ocean in your words! Love the refrain, but perhaps try to look a little more at the meter. Even though this is free verse, a consistent meter is easier to read. Also, I loved the ending,"Now the ocean's song is for You you you you you." Beautiful! Thanks for sharing!  
 
thetruthawaits94This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 17, 2011 at 3:59 pm :
okay thank you very much for the advice and for just reading it!!! ;)
 
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HannSawyer15 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 10, 2011 at 4:51 pm:
I loved how you wrote in such a playful way! Awesome job... and really unique. I love your writing style!
 
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Love.Hate.Passion. said...
Aug. 5, 2011 at 10:18 pm:
You have a way of creating a beautiful and intricate image in my head. I loved the way it flowed so smoothly.
 
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