White Force

In the darkness hear the night cry
Unleash the white force or all will die
The will must be found to carry on
To survive if only until dawn
For that will be when hope is renewed
But at the moment the future remains crude
Just sit, wait, and watch for the red sky
Don’t ever let it pass you by
The darkness may be all you know
But its comfort is just a show
Can you run towards the white
Can you trade in dark for light
I know you’re afraid
I know you feel safer in the shade
So I’ll sit and wait with you
And we’ll watch for the sun that shines the morning dew





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derpachu said...
Nov. 6, 2011 at 5:41 pm

erin i love you and you are amazing and so are your poems :D

only things i will say for constructive criticisms: "The will must be found to carry on" - kind of in passive voice...detatches the reader some. same with "For that will be when hope is renewed"

"But at the moment the future remains crude" - i'm not sure crude works too well here...i know what you're trying to say, but it sounds like you're trying a little too hard for a rhyme. i know you hate me. it's okay. i still lo... (more »)

 
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