Emotions of Clarity

July 7, 2011
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I withhold trust to be proved
I withhold love of sincerity
This I warned you of
Yet, you insist to pursue me
Not even I understand
But these are my emotions of clarity

My confusing ways and underlying pride
Overshadowing my hurts and pains
With shallow morals that guide
Refusal to consult the face of reality
As anger enrages inside
My heart hardens in reply
Runnin’ and runnin’
Cause within myself I confide
So, long this journey of circles
Seekin’ hopeless meds
Like drinks, sex, and drugs
And nottah d*** thing can cure me

Condemned to death
Pain has become relief
My emotions of clarity
Self-inflicted, so I don’t cry: “Woe is me!”
My choice, my ways, my life
D***ed to strife, I live for me

My soul cries, my spirit whispers
Yearning the return of salvation
Visions of hope, dreams of mercy
Upon my heart and mind
Birthing prayers and grace
For conviction in due time
Christian rituals has taught me
That rebels are condemned to bondage
But, to serve and bow
Would enable me to rightfully shine
And if my decision prolongs
Relation with Him ultimately dies
I straddle the fence
Cause my stubborn ways refuse to give
My emotions of clarity;
What a suicidal way to live

These words are quite deep
But I couldn’t help it,
I couldn’t think
Still sittin’ here wanderin’
Through this stone heart, how did it seep?
But, that’s beside point
Let me focus on this thing…

Within my heart, within this mind
Lies defying corruption
I told you this
Again and again, time after time
That with love I don’t comply
Yet, you insist to pursue me
And I refuse to ask why
Unfortunately, not my concern
Those feelings decided to die
You can’t capture my heart
So, forfeit the try
But, please don’t cry
Breathe in, breathe out
And painfully sigh,
Consult emotional recovery,
Then kiss it all good-bye
My emotions of clarity-
I advise you not to insist next time

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