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Black and brown all aroun'
Grabbing unto my eye's attention
Begging for more, it holds me captive.
Like a tsunami crashing, crushing beneath.
It draws me deeper within Zebra Valley
Sparks shoot from their prisons like miniature comets
It's over for now.
Draped in uniform,
It will return.
Again, and again.



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CarrieAnn13 said...
Aug. 24, 2011 at 1:02 pm

As IntrepidRose said, this piece has great imagery.  I really don't have any criticism.

I'm Canadian too, by the way! :)

 
owkey replied...
Aug. 24, 2011 at 7:49 pm
There's quite a few Canadians on here :O
 
IntrepidRoseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 23, 2011 at 6:45 pm
Interesting piece. I like the imagery. By the way, I noticed you're Canadian. I am too. It's always nice to meet someone who shares my country.
 
owkey replied...
Aug. 23, 2011 at 11:08 pm
Ya same here bud. I'm from Toronto. How about you?
 
IntrepidRoseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 24, 2011 at 12:38 pm
I've been to Toronto a couple of times. It's a great looking city, judging by the tiny bit I saw. Ontario's my province too. I'm from Elmira, a small town near Kitchner/Waterloo (if that means anything to you)
 
owkey replied...
Aug. 24, 2011 at 7:50 pm
Ya without the Waterloo distinction I'd have no idea where that is XD are you guys getting tornado warnings too?
 
IntrepidRoseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 30, 2011 at 9:22 am
We did have tornado warning the other day, although my town seems to be a pocket of some sort. Storms never seem to be as bad as they are in the surronding towns.
 
Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 20, 2011 at 4:04 am
Your style of writing is so unique. You should post more! This is great! :)
 
owkey replied...
Aug. 20, 2011 at 12:36 pm
Thank you :D Btw there's actually a s tory behind this but it's kinda immature xD
 
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