June 23, 2011
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Most times life seems strange
Cause my mind is deranged
By my past that can’t be changed
I stand guilty
Yet, I stand innocent
Does that make me insane?

My thoughts are constantly distorted
Leaving my mind stained
Questioning to myself:
How long shall my distortion remain?
I search and I search of escape’s possibility
I wonder if maybe a church,
A relationship or even ministry can help me
After years of seeking
I’ve found nothing
Could this be insanity?

Illness, is what this appears to be
Whether I gain or I lose things
It brings no appreciation
To you, neither to me
I now ask:
What the hell do You want of me?
I get an answer of mystery
Maybe insanity?

The voice was still, withholding peace
It was gentle, it was meek:
“Hold on to Me, BUT loose everything”
I understood it, clearly
I knew exactly what it meant

His words were familiar
So many times them I have heard
If I can recall, they were spoken
To believers to learn and unbelievers to turn
It’s for Him that souls would yearn

To understand His words
It seemed to somewhat calm me
But, I knew that in this picture
It was something else to see
And that was for me,
To forever in Him trust and believe
Maybe then, would it cure my insanity?

Forever is eternity, it’s never ending
And to commit my life to Him…
Isn’t that too much of me,
To be sworn to Christianity?

Then I realized
That I hadn’t died to this world
Though I spoke to be Christian-like
And I knew it wasn’t right
Cause I’d hold the Good Book standard
Yet, only in light
Then live as a sinner of dark nights
I was in the wrong
Why put up the fight?
Just to prove my insanity?

Its clear revelation that’s hit me
Yet, my decision is considered crazy
I’m lukewarm, and again, I’ve chosen insanity
His Word says:
That no man is to do half-work,
But, full and complete duty

It’s proven now
The root of my insanity
All this time, the cause was me
I understand, I can see clearly
But, I stand torn
With my mind and heart completely worn
It’s all on me,
Cause I’ve sworn to insanity
I just couldn’t pick one…
I guess two was too many

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This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

RosePetal519 said...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 8:59 pm
I went through the same thing :) Sometimes you do feel like living a happy Christian life these days is impossible.  Did you end up finding peace while still living a Christian life?
MoreThanWords replied...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 9:32 pm
Yes. I had to make the decision of TRULY leading a life of a faithful Christian or leading a life in this world. Either one I chose, I decided that it would be just that one. I chose Christianity! And no, its not easy and its not ever going to be easy, but if your really have heart to strive to be different in spite of, then you'll make it.
RosePetal519 replied...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 9:39 pm
Congratulations :) You really inspire me in my fight to tackle today's world and spread the love of Christ to everyone.  The real challenge comes to you when you get out of your church or youth group and you go out to a world that sees love as a weakness, when it is really anything but that. Thank you for sharing your heart and your wonderful talent of writing.  My prayers go with you <><
MoreThanWords replied...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 7:16 pm
Thanks! And my prayers will go out to you as well.
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