What am I saying? I don't know, but I did kill him and her.

June 23, 2011
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I don't want to cry of sadness without reason,
I don't want to be the disappointment of this season.
Kill me please
and I'll show you who I really am.
I'm that loser you push around.
Remember when you tripped me on the ground?

She pulled my hair,
Choked, pushed and I gasped for air.

Pulled my hair and pushed me again,
makes you feel, like your any better right?
Do you like pushing me down, and making me feel bad,
Do you enjoy how I'm so sad.
Now, with my fist in a ball,
I stand up, and I crash down and fall.
I hate myself and I want to die.
I want to die now, and I will try.
I will try again till it has no point.

What can I do now?
I heard you telling me,
do you see how bad I cried?
I even, I even hurt myself and I gave death another try.
I waved hello, and kiss it, "Hi"
I spoke and wondered and plotted detail by detail,
saying this, and that,yes, like that.
I drew it and pictured it and knew perfectly where it would be at.

Kissed you goodbye and hugged you tight.
I promised you, I would call tonight,
But I swore I was going to tell you,
At least for the last time, that I loved you.

Touched my face,
licked my neck and I saw the rusty gun sitting in place.

I stood tall, with the anger as Hitler shows,
I was crying and I knew perfectly, how this goes.
I was a fail to myself,
I was always the reason of her sickness,
I was the cause of her sadness.

If she felt sick,
I was to blame,
I was putting x's to my name.
I was terrible, I was always the cause of everything bad.
Throw me in the fire like the Jews,
and if it burns a lot, then who cares it was what I choose.

But don't tell me to lie to you,
cause I'm not planning on covering for you.
I kissed you yesterday,
I promised a lot, but I have nothing to say ..

But shut up ! Shut up !
I hear your voice, cut it out.
Don't you hear me disobeying and then I had to shout.
Tell you to leave,
because you were torturing me,
and you don't believe ..
The words I had spoken once more.
But I'm scared, can you understand me?
Can you try to understand and comprehend me?
Probably, my big and astonishing words panic you?
I'm afraid ! For the first time, I'm asking you..
To tell me and to guide me to the way,
the way you think I should hide for today?

And my mom? Don't you see it?
That me, the little child you had, died ?
She grew up !
She matured and now tells you to shut up !
I can't help it,
You don't know because you aren't feeling it..
"Mom, listen mom, listen to what I need to say !
Mom, I can't help it, Mom I'm gay ?"

Mom, isn't here now,
Still touching, and I didn't know how,
I could escape.

I paused and you know what?
I don't comprehend where am I at?
I'm crazy ! I'm crazy, no one can love me.
I'm crazy, I'm crazy, No one can love me.

Listen to me today and tell me the truth..
The sad old truth, and even if it's terrible than I promise to not jump off my roof !
Kiss my lips and tell me that all the kisses you gave me were a lie.
Look at my green and blue eyes
and say that I was nothing.
Scream and spit in my face, Tell me I'm nothing !

She whisper and told me I loved what she was doing.
She saw it was, what I was choosing.

I feel like I haven't accomplish anything in my life.
I looked twice and then saw the big shiny knife.
I want you to realize what your doing wrong.
Then stop it and continue our song.
With the power of anger hidden
in my words that only Scarleth Kong could have written.
Don't you notice how ignorant you can be.
And maybe you just don't see what I see.
It's completely improper for my companion to be in a united stand
with the devil, and in the act of holding hands.

But why was I remembering while she didn't stop.
She threw me over and put me on top.
I didn't like this.
I was a virgin, it meant everything to me.
Was is she doing this?

You can notice the words I use.
They called me reckless, But I don't complain so don't get confused.
You scream at me, and crash my heart into shatter ice.
"You don't do this to me ! Your hear me, you little demon! It's suffice !!!!!! "
Can't you stop for just a second,
and look, what you made happen?
Your ruining our wonderful relationship !
And baby, I can't stop it now, it can't turn into a simple friendship.

I told you that tomorrow would be it,
and I didn't lie, you need to notice it.
I cried and said that sometimes words couldn't match.
Sometimes I had to just let go because I couldn't catch.
I apologize for the things I had never said,
but if you don't believe it, I'll hide under my bed.
I was incorrect so I'll face it,
It's the way it is, I'm not disguising it.

You can't be real,
the dark shell that covers you, no your not real.
Her hands on my body.
Stop touching me.. I'm so little.
I'm young, and so so so little.

You tell me to lie and go away but that's not me
You tell me to forget it but that's definitely not me.

Hasn't everyone realized that it's always someone else's fault?
It's unnecessary to cover up everything and everything was yet covered in salt.
So when I laid on my knees it could burn more.
What kind of sick criminal are you?
You sir, are completely psychologically wrong, and you,
No there's no more words to describe you.

Your tongue,
your breath
everything, I hated it.
Get off, get off. I dislike it.

I had once a unexplainable dream.
It was terrible, and when I was awoken I did nothing but scream.
Dilapidated room with blank walls,
My head unsteady and all I felt was random hits from falls.
But investigating my own head is hard now.
Finding the right antidotes to figure it out some how.
But it was accidentally, I died because I wasn't stupid enough.
It was dumb of me, to not play nice, because I'm rough.
I'm the one you can always blame and if it hurts bad,
then, why do you care now, you wanted me sad.

But activate the bombs surrounding us,
It doesn't matter now, I hope you get hit by a bus.
And you do this to trigger me.
To anger me and destroy me.
Don't attempt to make me beg for my life
not even at gunpoint,
because you might as well, make me pick my death by flipping a coin.

Don't play smart guy with me,
I'm much more intelligent than you can ever be.
I can kill you to the extreme
I can make you beg on your knees and scream.
I'm sick and retarded like those,
The ones who follow and pose.
Let's exterminate all of those don't believe,
they must see what I see, and adore the ghosts that only I can see.
Concentration is what I desire,
Right now everything is being destroyed by fire.

It was like we spoke 2 different languages which you didn't know.
I said this and that and yeah I told you so.
Breaking the shackles and letting go.
It was always harder than you think it is.
I used to speak and try to dominate it as it is.
With my eyes sewn shut.
You can't see my suffering, and all my bleeding cuts
I use to think they were leave me
Everyone leaves me ! EVERYONE LEAVES ME

She's amazing, Scarleth Kong?
She is? She is, different,
Completely different.
I try to caution you,
to remind you and tell you .
That some day, just one day,
Dear Scarleth Kong,
who you wanted to disappear.
She will be in your biggest fears.
She will make you cry.
Make you beg and promise to try,
to be better.
So listen now that I have written this letter.
I wanted to say,
that I was Scarleth Kong,
I was the one who wrote,
who told you and spoke.

And then he did too.
So I wanted to tell you.
He hurt me more.
"He hurt me, mommy, and my body is sore."

Crushing bricks and crushing room,
I then stood tall like a boom.
Poison dripping from every where.
Where, why? It's also there.

He twisted my arm and he said shut up.
"It only hurts a little bit, just shut up.
Mommy doesn't need to know.
She would like it too,
but don't tell her so.
Or you would get it again.
Little sweetheart, you don't want that or do you?
You want it again? Do you?"

I woke up and I picked up my head.
My body was heavy and I wasn't in my bed.
I hear the doctor whispering,
while the other doctor says, another one without the guts.
I pull out the needle from my flesh and touch my cuts.
They were members of the family.
They had arrive here finally.

A flashback, with the dark figure touching me.
Get away from me don't touch.
I fought with air,
but the images didn't seemed to stop.
I was under and him on top.
I pulled out my knife and hold it tight.
I shut my eyes and fainted light..
Forcing me against the wall.
Punched me twice and then I fall.
Why was he hurting a little child?
It wasn't like I was wild.
I was neat, and princess like.
With my mother next to me,complaining about more dislikes.

Forget, I mention it..
Forget I brought it...
to any attention.
I apologize, I have no manners.
Scarleth this, Scarleth that,
Yeah I'm so confused that I forgot where I was at.
I tried to tell you, that this wasn't a good end.
I started this, and then I continued to pretend.
Pretended I actually know what the hell, I was saying.
I was writing again and then I continued playing.
I guess, we don't always get what we want.
I'm sorry if I made you have a certain purpose on reading.

But there isn't
This is 0.9% fake..
You had the choice to leave, but it was all your sake.
My head is broken.
With my actions I slowly spoken.
That tomorrow the world will come to an end.
And if it doesn't then call my friend.
Tell her, I'm dead.
And if she doesn't believe you, then tell her that's what I said.
Goodbye old friend.
There's no more reason to pretend.
Your freed to do whatever you desire.
Am I not in hell now? Slowly dying in fire.

Today, May 29,2011,
I took the hardest look at myself and counted to 7.
Saw my reflection and cried.
I then remembered I had died.
I'm not who you think I am.
Scarleth Kong? That's not who I am.
10 years can go on, I will still want to cut.
I can't without being locked up.
And I suddenly lost those guts I had.
I said goodbye to my dad.
Now I want him back.
I got angry and then I attacked.
And now?
Yeah I want him back.
I want my old life back.

My scars !!!!
I want them back.
To kiss them and tell them..
I talk to myself..
I say hi, and hello and how are you today?
I talked and spoke what to you I just couldn't say.
You wouldn't understand if I actually told you.
But I have no friends.
No one like you ..
Actually, there's one person.
Who I talk to,
my teacher, but she has things to do.

Who wants to listen to some psycho idiot without a life?
You sir? You ma'am?
I apologize for wasting your time.
Hearing stories like my.
Must bored you,
must have you in tears or must scare you.

But let me tell you a story.
That is actually true.
I will tell you my future, just for you.
Me, in high school
Tripped, and bullied,
it is a dangerous mistake to let me go.
Repeating the grade, is good, there's many things I don't know.
How can you let me go so fast?
Have you read my poems before and the rest of my past?
My school, that piece of.
Never mind. You do nothing to help me.
I warn you that psychotic old me,
will get mad, and you do nothing.
You look at me like nothing.

She threaten me,
and she abused me.
And what did you do?
Nothing, because it wasn't you.
I'm not afraid actually,
I'm actually okay.
Because with the words she says, I continue to play.
Maybe she will get what she deserves.
When I explode, she will get what she deserves.

I see a rainbow that has suddenly been killed.
With chains and glass and has me thrilled.
Goodbye, my quest has ended.
I was happy, but I pretended.
I told you the truth, and everything you wanted to know.
I have killed her and him and I warned you so.
Take me in now,
I told you, how.
She and him had raped me,
So I killed them both and it was me.

Oh yeah, I killed his sister,
I forgot why?

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