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Distances
Thunder whirls overhead and instantly
I am brought back to my childhood when
I would watch the rain with glee and
My sister would cower in my father’s arms.
And our biggest worry would be how long it would last because
I wanted it to last forever but
My sister could not wait for it to end.
And as the rain peters on the skylight I find
Myself at the kitchen table trying to
Write a history essay that I can’t
Seem to get myself to focus on because
Instead of ideas, memories
Are flowing through my head and
I find myself wishing that everything that
Comforted me in childhood could
Still comfort me now even though
I know it can’t. But still
I yearn for the cool of my sister’s hand in
Mine as we did things that we probably
Weren’t supposed to do like
Torment our little sister or use all of
The wanton wrappers.
And I consider going out in the rain because it
Feels like getting a hug and the rain will
Wash away my tears.
And suddenly I’m thrust back into
Now
Where I hear her behind me and wonder how
She could have possibly
Missed it and not realized that I
Too wanted a hug or that my voice
Caught when I said goodnight or that I
Still whispered “I love you” hoping to
Get one in return but
The rain will cover up the sound of my
Tears and she’ll never find out although
When I go to bed my eyes will be red and
Puffy and I’ll know that if I look in
The right places I will find someone
To love me.
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