Anxious Cycle

May 29, 2011
Not again. Not this again.
It starts with a long night of studying,
Reviewing all the formulas I learned.
Then I go into school, prepared, unafraid of anything that comes my way.

I start the test confident- I CAN do this.
But as I get further, I realize that no
I can’t.
I stare at the page hoping something will make sense.
I forget to breathe.
I shake.

I sit and look at the problems remaining
But nothing makes sense.
I don’t want to deal anymore.

I stand up, taking the paper with me.
I turn in the test, incomplete again.
I return to my seat, and see a kind face waiting for me to sit down.
Then I get a pat on the back, a hand to hold, a hug-
It doesn’t help.
It’ll happen again.

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