The time and summer

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Maybe it’s the air.
Or the weather.
Or the clock ticking on the wall.
It could be breath, the steady heartbeat and inhale and exhale.
The blood pumping through veins or the eyes, glistening with ghosts of the past.
The body, sweaty and nervous, trying to cope with the harsh realities.
The stomach, tied into knots, squirming with discomfort.
The toes, wiggling in the shoes, rubbing against one another, painted in neon colors.
The emotions, feelings and memories, swelling up like an unpopable balloon.
The flashbacks, to when everything was still young.
The questions, before they were made sense of.
The interactions, creating relationships that stood on their own.
The friendships and bonds, between unlikely people and complicated pasts.
The connections made that summer.
The realizations and acceptances.
The change.
Something about the way the ocean crashed onto the shore, or how the asphalt seemed to sizzle after a light rain, or how the monuments seemed to glisten in the night light.
The settling heat and smell of chlorine and honeysuckle mixed with the sweet and sour scent of lemonade.
It could have been the people I met, the places I went, the things I saw, the weird in between stage.
The “done with that” “but not quite there yet” feeling.
The pictures and videos that were taken but won’t be looked at for many years to come.
The exposure to culture, music, history and art.
The shows I saw, the monuments I witnessed, languages I heard.
The longing for home, friends and things that were familiar.
The desperate try to hold onto something I knew.
The complicated things I left behind and the uncertainty of the future.
The anticipation and excitement and nervousness to begin something new.
My old friends and the new ones I was going to make.
The decisions and choices that kept coming.

My summer.
This summer.
That summer.
Our summer.
Travel Summer.
The one I remember.
The once I can look back on and point my finger to the moment I know changed it all.
The moments I thought were changing, but was proven wrong.
The people I thought I would get to know, but didn’t.
The things I thought I would realize, but I didn't.

Time.
The thing we all fear but cherish.
What I feared that summer,
That it was all happening too fast but yet I couldn’t wait for it to be over.
I learned the importance and irony of time, that summer.
The way it plays tricks and meddles with the mind.
It was a metaphor, for something bigger, more important.
I couldn't understand it.

There are things I wondered, things I searched for.
I pondered what people said, how they acted, what I did, what I learned, how I felt, who I affected.
I tried to find answers and sometimes I did.
But other times I didn’t.
I moved on, files those thoughts away, for another time.
Still unanswered, still unknown, still simply untouched.

I never knew what would happen.
I never knew when the smallest thing would change my life.
I never knew a person I least expected would come into my life.
So all I could do is go along with the ride.

Some things that summer, I still don’t know.
I still don’t understand.
Maybe I never will know, or maybe I will find out in a place I will least expect.
I try to find similarities and relations to my life now.
Sometimes a bond is formed, sometimes not.
It is a chance, everything is a chance.
That summer was a chance.
Nothing is planned, anything could happen.
Things got hard, choices had to be made, and slowly my life was ticking by.
Things fell down, nothing went as planned, everything changed, when I didn’t want it to.
But it was okay.
At some point in the distant future, it will work out.
Maybe not is the way you thought it would, but it will work out in the way it is supposed to.
And you just have to accept it.
I began my life that summer.
Everything came to some sort of conclusion, or beginning.
Things started to make sense, everything fell into place.
Things I will never forget happened.

While all of this happens, time continues to go on.
Days go back, weeks move on, months and years continue.
The seasons flourish and people move in and out.
The song ends, and a new one begins.
The sun sets and rises.
And the ocean continues to crash against the shore.
The wind rustles through the trees and the sun beats on the ground.
The clock keeps ticking.
Three words I know about life: it goes on.
So that is why you have to make memories, enjoy the people in your life, always be positive and never regret.

So, I learned that summer.
I don’t know what it was or why it happened.
But it did.
And now I am here.





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