Deprivation

By , Bowling Green, OH
I sit and stare at the girl in the mirror
It’s disgusting how much I hate her
“Heaven knows why God made you!” I scream
I watch as tears begin to stream down her face
And I imagine myself thrusting my fist at the glass
I want to see that horrendous image shatter before me
Finally, I can’t stand to look any longer
I get up and retreat to my bedroom
I throw myself down on the bed and cry
I might as well be dead
What would it matter?
I’ll never amount to anything
How can a girl with OCD accomplish anything in life?
Mind-numbing medicines are certainly no aid
My once ever-blossoming creativity is drastically stifled
I suck at writing because of that
Besides, I don’t have what it takes to make it out there
And it’s all because of deprivation
I hate it in every sense of the word
I’m guarded from what seems like everything
I can’t listen to music artists like Evanescence
Why? “Because the lyrics are too dark;
This music will put you in a depressed mindset
Which is unhealthy for someone like you”
These are the words of my parents
Someone like me?
Like I haven’t heard that phrase enough in my life already
But who cares what they say?
I listen to Amy Lee anyway, and it doesn’t depress me at all
If anyone’s depressing me, it’s my mom and dad
And it’s all because of deprivation
I turned 15 eight months ago
I should have gotten my temps by now
But, of course, I haven’t
Why? “Because you aren’t mature enough to start
Your anxiety issues make you a hazard on the road
We can’t trust someone like you behind the wheel”
These are the words of my parents
Someone like me?
They better not go there again
How would they know if I’m a hazard?
They’ve never seen me drive; they won’t even let me try
Please give me a chance
I know I have more potential than you give me credit for
I’m almost sixteen now
I’ve been looking forward to this my entire life
You can’t just take that away from me
Don’t you think you’ve done that enough already?
You can’t do this forever
You’ve got to let your baby grow up
I’m rapidly approaching adulthood
I need to learn the ropes of life so I can fend for myself one day
Please don’t do this to me
Mommy and Daddy, I love you both to pieces
And I know the feeling’s mutual
But I’m always gonna have OCD
I’m gonna have to face the world one time or another regardless
You might as well let me start now
Maybe exposure won’t be as bad for me as you think
All I know is that I want the freedom to fly and find who I am
Don’t tie my wings with all this deprivation





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