Dance Till You Die

June 5, 2011
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Within my head, I felt the movements,
Of music dancing to itself,
Twirling, twirling, twirling, ‘till
I felt no pinch of health.

Within my mind, I heard the call,
Of birds struggling for breath.
Calling, calling, calling, ‘till
I heard the slice of death.

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Eirias said...
Jul. 23, 2012 at 4:37 am

I enjoyed this. I like how it doesn't have an obvious point, although that's not likely to make it popular on the site (teens generally seem to so . . . quick? . . . that they only seem to write poetry for the sake of conveying a message--very rarely do I see poems simply to express the beauty of the words).

A few criticisms: I'm not sure what a "pinch of health" is.

And there is a hiccup in the second line of stanza 2 (birds) that is jarring . . . I guess that calls more attent... (more »)

thetruthawaits94 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 28, 2011 at 7:12 pm
I loved how you described everything in this poem. It seems kind of eery.
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