My Secret Heartache

June 1, 2011
Unknown to anybody, of course except for myself.
For reasons that are unexplained, examined as if on a shelf.
Lies a little tiny secret, for none but me to explore.
A secret silently stifled, where only one can view and adore.

No one comes to see me, except to say “hey” or give a playful shove.
I am the only one who knows why it’s you that I love.
People ask me questions, for example, why did you buy her the red roses?
None of them truly find out, because to them my heart closes.
It’s you that I chose to love; I’m being very brutally true.
I think I have many reasons why I chose to love you.

Your beautiful brown hair, preciously put into a curl.
How honest you are to all, regardless of whom they are or if they’re a boy or a girl.
Your voice is consistently heard, answering a question or just laughing at a joke.
Even though that voice is never directed toward me, I turn towards it when it’s spoke.
Fresh smelling red roses, consider them a gift given from me to you.
Although anybody would hate to admit it, it’s at least a little bit cool.

Everyday I open my eyes, and I smell that cool Wisconsin air.
I zip up my orange jacket, and try my best not to slip on the ice-covered stairs.
I arrive at the school, preparing to understand new things and learn.
To play Basketball with my buddies, with cheap fouls my only concern.

However, in the back of my brain, something sits there and it tugs.
Something that can’t be solved with a smile or that can heal people like a hug.
This something is an annoyance, and yet I yearn to keep it here.
It’s considered both a friend and a foe, something which will draw both cheers and jeers.

An internal struggle that keeps battling, begging me to break and be set free.
An impossible thing to stop, like getting the flu or trying to prevent a sneeze.
This struggle is extremely mighty, both with its losses and its gains.
Until this conflict ceases, none of my choices shall be fit to reign.
My deepest, darkest secret, a secret concealed with all my might.
To tell this secret or hide it, the main reason for this fight.

I am small, simply not handsome, a geek with glasses galore.
Yet I bought you those beautiful roses, hoping that you will finally adore.
You’re pretty, popular, and very polite. I am lucky to be called a loser.
One thing that we have in common, we’re both nowhere close to being bruisers.

From the shoes you wear to your beautiful eyes, you’re pretty from your head to your toe.
I guarantee you will never be substituted, or be mistaken for some goat.
Yet here you stand as beautiful as ever, walking to class with your friends.
Passing by while paying me no attention. From the beginning of school till it ends.

If only you knew of my love for you, and how much I really do care.
I’m not a smart man, but I do know that true love is very rare.
I can’t help who I fall for in life. I really wish that this life was simple.
We teens especially face a difficult journey, filled with things like braces and pimples.
It’s all part of puberty, and then we will graduate and go to college.
Maybe we’ll go to the military, because our brains are through with knowledge.

Seasons will go and years will pass, however, my love will still be there.
One day I’ll give you a compliment, saying something like, “nice shoes” or “nice hair.”
My future is full of unknowns, mysteries remaining to be solved.
I will taste the Wisconsin air, and the salt will eventually dissolve.

This will be an anonymous future, but I hope that you are in it.
As for the sweet, blissful roses of today, I hope you cherish you’re little gift.
Eventually all pain heals overtime, fixing things like bones that break.
I don’t know why, but I love you. You are my secret heartache.





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