Realizing Why

May 22, 2011
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I have finally realized why,
Why everyone keeps asking me the same thing.
Why they ask me if I'm alright.
It's because I'm not.
Because they know me,
Better than I know myself.
Because they can see my anguish
My pain, my fear, my heart.
They can see what I can't.
It's because it's written all over my face.
And how can I see that
When I can't stand looking in a mirror?
I find that I'm afraid.
Afraid to actually see who I am becoming.
Because I don't want to be that girl.
The girl who hates.
The girl who cries.
The girl who feels alone.
The girl who's unliked.
Not only by others
But by herself.
The girl who hides behind her pen.
The girl who is unseen.
Unheard, and unloved.
Maybe I am wrong.
Maybe I'm being paranoid.
Maybe this is only how I see myself.
Maybe you aren't doing this on purpose.
Maybe you are unaware that you are hurting me.
But that makes it that much worse.
To not even realize what you do to me,
Am I that unsignificant?
Maybe I was right.
Maybe I always have been.
Maybe this is who I've been all along.

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