It was eleven o'clock at night.
I just told my Ma goodnight.
I went deep into the back of my closet and pulled out an old book bag that I hadn't used in ages.
I rushed around my room... packing food, drinks, clothes, and other items.
I pulled my jeans on, threw on a black tank top, zip my hoodie and put on black converse.
I grabbed my i-pod but left my phone.
As I threw my bag on my back I peered into my mothers room.
I took a look around my house as I reached for the door knob and quietly slipped away.
Of course I knew it was dangerous for a teenage girl to be out alone at midnight, but I couldn't turn back. I threw my black hood over my head and quietly walked within the shadows.
I walked about ten miles until I reached a park from my childhood.
I searched for the tree that sat exactly in the center.
I climbed into it and sat upon the highest, strongest branch.
I placed my headphones into my ears and began to watch the night life.
Alone in a Park in a tree at night.
I stared at the moon thinking about what I have become.
All I am is a girl using boys because she got hurt.
A girl with scares all over her body.
A girl who runs from her past that haunts her everyday.
A girl who can't love because of her fear for even the word.
A girl who's heart and soul have been beat but she keeps it hidden.
A girl who acts as if her fake smile is true.
Why have I become this?
Because the things in my past have molded me?
I am always the strong one.
So independent... I never shed a tear.
So why... when I touch my face now do I feel the cold wetness of my built up sorrow?
Why after never crying for so many years have i given into the pain.
Do I deserve what I have?
The loving family that greets me with smile?
So many who love me so?
To me I don't... so once again I run.
WHY DO I ALWAYS RUN!!
I usually face my fears... but love is what makes me run... sorrow is what makes me go faster.
I doubt myself... doubt the love I have.
Suddenly I see the sun begin to rise.
And my tears go away.
I have a realization within myself realizing that I must be the girl inside of me.
I grab my bag and jump form the tree.
I walk those ten miles once more.
I stand in front of my home and smile at it's warmth.
I sneak back inside unnoticed as my Ma still sleeps.
I unzip my hoodie and hang it in it's place.
I remove my converse and place them in my room.
I slip off my jeans and into pajama pants.
I turn off my i-pod and place it next to my phone.
I remove everything within that bag.
I take it back to my closet and hide it deep in the back.
I go to my bed and lay under my covers.
Suddenly I feel the warm touch of a hand.
I open my eyes to see my Ma.
She asks me "Are you okay honey?"
I reply..." I have never been better"
And for the first time I smile... and let the love fill me back up again.