Nothing has changed

May 18, 2011
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Those words sting,
and at first, they don't seem real.
They are a figment of your imagination,
the part of it saved for nightmares or wrong-endings.
Even after hearing
those words, the tears seem hotter,
heavier and more painful. They run down your
cheek so fast,
with such determination to flow
faster than you can figure out what just
happened.
Those words choke you of your breath
and deprive you of your smile,
they stain your memory like
grease or rich blacktop
on white linen.
They play over and over again until you are
absolutely convinced
there was a mistake.

It. had. to. be. a. mistake.

But then the harsh reality swoops
in and delivers you
the information, the proof as to
how it happened
and why you need to get home.
But what is home without him?
Without his heart beat, his smile,
his breath, his life?
Where do you turn to
when everything inside of you is screaming
and crying and breaking down?
You feel hot even when you're cold,
you feel angry even when you're suppose to be happy,
you feel sad, vulnerable
and lost.
He was your world,
and somehow he took his own.

His life is at rest now,
it is at peace.
His soul is surrounded by the angels
and protected by God.
And he feels your warmth,
he feels your love,
and he is smiling so big.


Your love will never leave him,
just as his love will never leave you.
One day you will see him again,
and he will be waiting
with open arms.
He will be waiting to show you
that nothing has changed,
and you will pick up right where you left off.

For now you can rest.
Sleep easy. He wouldn't
want you to worry.
He is your baby boy,
and you are his daddy.
Nothing has changed.

Nothing has changed.





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