3.7.11

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Claws of reality
Scrape down my body of uselessness
And pointlessness
Not to mention such utter hopelessness
As you change the game again
Long before my already shaken world has settled.

Time stops moving, the world's clock breaks
And the pieces scatter,
I am frozen in this moment of torture
Digesting your words that don't make any sense
Only to choke on them, dwell on them
And eventually live through them,
What have I done???

This is a fatal embrace
So cruel to love when there are
So many rules and roadblocks to it all,
They break me down to this alienated state
Where scotch tape and glue aren't enough to hold me together
Anymore.

I know what this means
I'm so strung out
Your subtle tweaks you claim beneficial in the long run
Are sudden and violent changes to me,
Like having my stomach torn out and stomped on...
I know what this means,
The years have fallen away, no longer good enough.

But I love you still,
When hate burns on the horizon
I smother it with my right foot
All this time of needing to and wanting you here
Hasn't changed, it won't change
And that
Is what hurts the most as you unknowingly
Pull the rug out from beneath my feet,
Leave me bleeding on the floor.

Sitting here tonight
The sky is motionless above and me,
Paralytic in this obvious state of confusing discontent
Wondering where to turn...
And if the path to you is still clear of landmines
Because I hurt enough already without the help
Of bombs.

And I'm asking you
To consider my vacant heart,
Consider the cracks and bruises and
Don't go.
I'm asking for you to consider
My insecurities and fears and
Don't go.
I'm asking, begging, pleading, screaming for you
To please, please
Don't do this to me again.





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