Forbidden fruit
Never tasted but
Insatiably craved by desperate tongues
And those daring hunger pains,
Wracking my body with careless claws
Blade sharp and beautifully torturous.
The thrill of the danger,
The adrenaline high from
Dancing on the edge
Carries me away on wings of chaos
Where my endurance is put
To the test.

I live in a consistent state
Of merciless oblivion and
Breath taking ignorance,
Feasting on the nectar of imagined fairy-tale endings
Because
That's the only reality I accept.
You can try to find me
I'm hiding in the spaces between my ribs or
The lingering shadows in my eyes....
But,
You won't find me.
I know all these ropes well,
Wrote the book on running and hiding
I am the mastermind
And you are the helpless victim, trying but failing
To coax me out into the sunlight.

You've thrown me bread crumbs of your love
For so many years,
And I have savored the treat...
But they say not to feed the animals for a reason!!!
They come back wanting more and more.
I am safe in my cocoon
Though you insist
To get me to live the life you,
He,
She,
They all live...
You see, I am the wasp confined in tree sap,
Frozen, preserved, protected the way I am
And I'd never dare leave my comfort zone
For a love that I know,
I know
It will evolve until it
Disappears.

Loneliness is only a side-effect
But I have my dreams
To wrap myself up in and stay warm,
Sometimes,
I admit it,
Sometimes those dreams aren't enough
And I feel that empty beat inside my chest.
Sometimes,
I hate to admit it but there are times
When the words are on
The tip of my tongue....
But if I hold my breath long enough,
They melt and slide like liquid butter down my throat to my stomach
Where the acid of all my secrecy
Burns away the remains.
But I cannot cave.

Like wisteria,
I grow in the darkest places
With tangled, complex roots
And a beauty only the stars could know.
You belong in the light,
You belong where you are seen, where you can grow
You evolve...and I,
I won't.
It's painful for you to try and find me,
When you feed me your bread crumb love
Because you are so unafraid to love me
And I,
I am incapable of loving you right.