Honest writing,
unadultarated by the influence of others.
This kind of writing is hard for me,
it requires showing emotion I try so hard to
keep buried down deep.

I fear never being enough.
Giving myself completely and still falling short,
not only of everyone else's expectations,
also failing my own.

This year hasn't gone how I've expected,
it feels like everything this year is falling short.
No, not by much, but still enough to make it fall apart.

I fear that the smile I put on isn't fooling anyone.
The last four years have been a struggle,
teachers, family, and friends only see what I let them,
sometimes in moments of weakness,
they see a second of the war raging underneath.

I've learned so much to gain so little,
I guess better understanding is always valuable
but it won't pay for my college or get my best friend to text me back.
I've made so many mistakes, it was so easy to think live life without regrets,
back when I didn't have any.

Maybe instead of regretting I need to move on,
to stop looking back and start looking forward.
I want to remember that It doesn't matter how many years you have in your life,
its actually how much life we put into our years
that counts in the end.