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My Lost One
This war that I am fighting is taking a toll on me.
As many times as I try to get up,
Bounce at first, and then on one knee struggle to keep my balance,
I am losing this fight.
My opposition just keeps pushing me back down. My battle scars are getting bigger
And more abundant.
The idea of quitting has always crossed my mind,
But I am no quitter. This fight is one worth fighting for.
This fight is what I put all my energy into, all I invest my heart, time, and desire in.
It is too late to quit, too late to turn back.
If I turn back I will lose my honor
And my ability to love.
What is the difference between being in love and loving someone?
Love - a family member, friend, a thing, or lover –
But it also can be like a black hole, slowly consuming every piece of your existence,
Like the ocean swallows up the shore.
She is the ocean consuming my soul.
She is also my light when I’m trapped in the darkest shadows of my sorrow.
When there’s something wrong,
She is always there to tell me everything will be alright…
…and I believe her.
She’s beautiful inside and out.
She’s not afraid to be different and to stand out in a crowd of many.
The way she carries herself makes me want to be a better person,
For her sake and my own.
I changed jobs to provide for her,
Changed who I hung around with to protect her,
And changed who I was to fit her.
My family told me I was making a mistake,
But it didn’t matter- because they couldn’t see her in the light I did.
When we are together we are unstoppable. We do silly things and don’t care who watches us while we do it. Do you remember the time when we slid through the hallways with just our socks on? And the time we bought a whole bunch of food and sat in the sports lobby of our high school and ate it all like fat a****, while people watched us? We didn’t care. We can laugh, cry, get mad, be happy, and even look our worst together. The compassion and love that we had for one another was endless. And when we were together, we knew exactly how to show it.
But when we are apart I feel so distant from you, like the polar opposites of the earth. My past becomes my present and you hear about it. The past relationships and rumors open up right in front of our eyes. You become torn between whether to believe the outsiders or the love and compassion we show when we are together. As much as I confront my past so that we can move on, it just won’t stay my past. So who do you believe: the person who is trying to be a better man for you or the people who want to take that joy away from you?
This war that I am fighting has taken a toll on me.
Like running through quicksand,
It is getting hard and tiring,
And I don’t know how much more I can bear.
As much as the thought of quitting crossed my mind,
I never wanted to quit on her.
I want to quit the pain and suffering I feel
When she doesn’t believe me,
The pain that keeps me up at night- thinking about her.
I fight my hardest praying-
Praying that I can win this war,
But I don’t know how long it will last or how it will end.
I tried my best but,
My best wasn’t good enough.
I’m no quitter but,
I have a feeling she quit on me.
So farewell to my worthy competitor.
And I wish her well in the battles she may encounter- in the distant future.
This war is a lost one to me but,
She is losing too.
She is losing a man that would take on an army and fight to the death for her.