A Sad Soul

April 4, 2011
It seems like a great day today, like it was yesterday and everyday before.
Then what is it I feel deep down inside?
The gut-wrenching, knife-splitting pain that makes me want to cry.
I have him and her, and friends around me.
I have parents and siblings and pets to surround me.
Then what is this dark cloud covering my focus
Creating watermarks on the young face of mine?
I pinpointed this awful rock that sits deep inside my chest
It sits on top of my heart, trying to make it forever stop and rest.
I look in each corner and down the hall
But who is really there? Anybody?
This is what I feel
I can’t tell but I think it’s been a year
A life I live that’s seem almost to perfect
And yet I sit here rocking back and forth
Thinking of all the things I could do
The rope in the garage,
The gun in the cabinet,
The pills in the drawer.
I start to think of these and more water starts pooling around me
I grab something sharp behind me
Across, across, down
I cut and scrape the flesh away,
Trying to make the unsettling pain leave and go far away.
Why is this happening to me?
What is it that makes me feel this way?
Why is no one here to help me?
I am all alone.
There are many so very close to me
Then why is this clouding over me?
Why do I have to fight a battle
Where death is inevitable?
I don’t understand why I sit in this corner
Non-existent from the world…
I pick up my sad soul, tears, and luggage
Walk to the bathroom and wipe the unsettling tears and darkness
I draw a smile up my face and sprinkle that known spark
In the corner of my eyes
I walk out and into the world
That loves me so very much
That believes me the brightest happiest person
My parents believing nothing wrong
My friends jealous of my wonderful life
When here I barely can hold myself together.
When here life and death seems like such a simple decision.
No matter if it is a mistake that is permanent...

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