May 3, 2011
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I hate the feeling.
How come when I call your name you fail to respond?
Fail to save me when I’m about to drown.
Ignore my desperate approach
My hungry eyes
Place sins upon me for my lies?
Even when I apologize
You still antagonize
Penalize me for your mistakes,
As if the ground beneath you was starting to shake
I lay awake.
Every night I wonder why
My thoughts like causing me pain
Causing me to have so many aching
The fruit is rotten
The flies are swarming.
I never thought you would die.
How come when I look in the mirror the old you is not alive?
“Close your eyes” he tells me
I peak every time.
I can’t keep the smile
That starts in my heart
And pulls through my mind
When it begins to shine, I start to show life
Just when I thought I was blind
My senses start to become alive.
When he’s looking at me
I can feel him staring at me.
Waiting for me
To ask why he’s staring at something so f***ing ugly
So he can say that to him I’m the opposite
He keeps my hair tie in his pocket
He’s got my heart like a picture in a locket
I love it
This feeling I never wanna lose track of it
My body’s calling out now.
I’m so cold; I want the warmth of this sun to come out
My skin against your skin
How you told me you could hear my heart pounding
Trust me I know how I’m sounding
I despise being vulnerable without you
Every minute that I’m counting
Till it reaches bone
Baby, in the dark I’m more than alone.
But at least when I look in your eyes,
Not my own, I reach for the sunset
Not at the pale moon.
I look at you
Like I see a new day
All the pain existing goes away
I smash that mirror
I don’t care for my reflection
Your affection is my self confidence
And your words will never kill me
Like my own do.
Finally I can see a better me in you
I don’t believe in me my religion is you
That’s how I get through
How the healing of my wounds pursue
You’re my doctor
My john proctor
Like in the crucible, I’m an Abigail stalker
You’re like holy water
My only lover
The only thing that’s worth my time
Know, that I’m glad I can call you mine.
I can’t even imagine
What I’d do without you.
Don’t cry, I’m here
Even when my make-up is smeared
Even when the end comes near
Baby, trust me.
I’ll still be here.

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