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I Think I Lost My First Best Friend

By , Dix Hills, NY
I thought I knew her well
So close we were like sisters
But that was just a farce
She hadn’t really told me anything

A small secret
One that I thought was all right to tell a friend,
Feeling she was trust worthy
Never thinking twice about it

I knew nobody would find out
But she surprised me
Silent then bursting with emotion
She was angry with me

She didn’t tell me how much she cared about him
Not to the full extent

How was I supposed to know?
That that air of nonchalance was just for show?

I should have just kept my mouth shut in the first place
Never speaking a word about it to anybody,
Not to my trusted friend,
Not to anybody

I didn’t mean for her to get hurt
But I knew I was wrong

I didn’t blame her for hanging up

I didn’t want this to happen
Never saw it coming,
Not over this

But this was nothing petty
This was real
This was my best friend hurting

All because of me,
Me and my incompetence

I was insensitive, non- empathetic, horrible
I told her I didn’t want forgiveness,
I apologized,
With no resistance

But that’s what I want most of all,
To be forgiven by the person who means most to me

But now I see what is truly wrong with me

I’m not trustful,
If I was,
I could have kept a secret,
No matter how insignificant I thought it was

A Promise
I made that promise,
But time and foolishness blinded me

What will happen next?
We’ll see,
I hope she comes to school tomorrow

That distant cry,
I wonder if it truly means ‘Goodbye’

The first friend I ever had,
Lost,
To the first boy she ever loved

I wish she had told me,
God,
I only wish she had

But,
Again,
I am mistaken,
She did,
I just wouldn’t listen

I,
Of all people,
Should have taken her seriously

The bottom line,
I took advantage of her friendship,
Her trust,
Because I am selfish

My sadness aches in chest,
Tears stream down,
Why couldn’t I have been born a harmless flower?
Then,
I wouldn’t have bee able to hurt a soul,
Especially not my best friend

Well,
If after this we are still ‘best friends’,
Or even friends,
For that matter

I know I must try again,
For as long as it takes,
I’ll gain back her trust

But time,
You see,
Is a funny thing

For they say,
Many a mountain will wear to level ground,
Before grief will wear to nothing





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