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Death

Death is the wind
sending a shiver
up your spine
billowing in the 'breeze
always there

Death is a cobra
searching for its
next victim
not caring who it takes
or
who it hurts

Death is a knife
slicing into you
hurting
hoping to take
away
your happiness
and the ones you
love



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This article has 19 comments. Post your own!

star3x8 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 11:58 pm:
I love the imagery in the poem!
 
musicispassion replied...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 12:46 am :
thanks u should look at some of my other poems
 
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CarsonFairclothThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 1:13 pm:

I love the poem, but there is one thing that always bothers me in poems that lack this: punctuation. If you had added punctuation to this poem, it could have easily been a five out of five stars.

 

Either way, I get the basic idea of the poem. Beautifully written.

 
musicispassion replied...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 5:51 pm :
thank you sorry about punctuation i don't worry about it when i write poetry
 
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Alon_Freevoice said...
Jul. 3, 2011 at 2:52 am:
Oh, I love the metaphors. And, oh, you're lucky that you got the chance to meet you great grandparents... I'm sorry for what happened tho..
 
musicispassion replied...
Jul. 3, 2011 at 3:20 am :
i only got to meet my great grandma but i'm am lucky thanks
 
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Aftershock said...
Jul. 1, 2011 at 4:44 pm:
I like this one(: now, see, this is better than your other poem.
 
musicispassion replied...
Jul. 1, 2011 at 8:50 pm :
thanks i'm better at metaphors and similes
 
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AvengedJasonfoldForever said...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 8:12 pm:

heres the thing

Poetry is a hit or miss for me. I don't know how to critique them because I either like them or I don't it seems. Like, I'll read a poem and think "wow that's really boring" or "holy crap this is the coolest thing ever" and someone else will read it and feel differently.

When I read poetry out of a book, it's like going to an art museum. You look at a picture, sometimes you take a long time to admire it, sometimes you just walk away.

This particular poem m... (more »)

 
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Finchy said...
Jun. 27, 2011 at 11:30 pm:

Musicispassion

That's a very powerful poem! It's interesting to note that you were inspired by an actual event; pieces based off of real things ususally are the best. Your metaphors were direct and easy to follow, making this poem very easy and fun to read.

Cheers

Finchy

 
musicispassion replied...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 1:16 am :

thanks i'm going to check out som of ur work

 

 
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Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 27, 2011 at 7:40 pm:
Really amazing! It's kind of sad, but like CarrieAnn13 said, also true. I think you did a really good job. :)
 
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CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 16, 2011 at 9:22 pm:
This is also true; death does not discriminate with its victims. I love the imagery here. You did an amazing job with this poem.
 
musicispassion replied...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 1:41 am :
ilooked at ur profile page paramore is awesome and still a band there's a riot in me and i like evanescence and hp
 
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ritabelle511 said...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 7:04 pm:
I like the imagery in this poem - the cobra and knife especially give off an ominous vibe!
 
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JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 2:16 pm:
That was really good!!!!! I'm sorry to hear your grandma passed that's too bad.  Keep writing!!!
 
musicispassion replied...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 6:56 pm :
thanks for both
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 16, 2011 at 11:31 am :
You're welcome!!! :)
 
awayra replied...
Jul. 6, 2011 at 9:45 am :

i think you're a very free spirit and don't care about canons or rhymes, etc- you seem quite a poet to me, keep writting your feelings!

 

 
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