5.20.11

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Congratulations
You learned successfully
How to survive without me, especially
To you, this distance has no complexity
And it hurts tremendously
Because I'm struggling to get by
In a way that could be seen as
Acceptably.
I'm hovering slightly above my lowest
And everything about me is so pain-focused
I wish if you'd disappear, it would go
Unnoticed
Because there are different ways of healing
And my way is the slowest.

You and I
We are not equal
You are relatively content and I am swallowed
By all the world's evils,
My life feels as small as the eye of a needle
And it's all your fault
That you take up all the space.
Don't ever mistake me for strong,
I'm already a broken vase
One that's never known a touch of grace
So don't give me a smile that's displaced,
I don't wanna be
Your charity case.

I want to be loved!
I just wanna be loved!
Is that request too much to ask
Do me a favor and take off your mask
With it on,
All your words fade to black
And I've loved all this time we've had
But sometimes,
I can't help but want to take it all back.
I'm bleeding internally,
Screaming externally,
Hurting eternally
But I guess it doesn't count
Because I'm not your emergency
Anymore.
And maybe, maybe I would like to be
Simply just your job again
Cuz I would trade anything in the world
To get you to love me like you did
Back then.

I'm trying to scrape away the feelings
Until I am satisfied and hollow,
But I walk and I run,
Rebuild myself to come undone
And everything painful still follows...
So don't tell me to wait it out
The wound won't heal beyond tomorrow
And no,
Don't tell me there's peace at the end of sorrow.
I don't even want it
Maybe I don't want at all...just need
You've planted so many seeds
So what's the point in them growing
Without any up-keep?
Will you let them suffocate from all the weeds?
I'd like a chance to escape
Before you make me bleed.

And it would be so wonderful,
So easy
If I could just stop loving you
It'd be so easy to break through
The surface
With a glimpse of purpose,
Lacking the thought that I'm constantly worthless...
But I cannot.
I love you...and other than that
I am wordless.
You're trying to let me go, I know it
But I am clinging to your hand
God, what I'd give to make you understand!
And you're pulling
Pulling
Pulling away
Why can't I be your one important reason,
The one that will make you stay??





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