I stare blankly at these four walls
I sit and stare trying not to move
I sit until everything hurts then
I sit until everything stops hurting
I stare until my mind becomes as blank as the walls surrounding me
My desire is to escape reality
I do this so I am not trapped in my own depressed thoughts
My thoughts are to run away from myself and everything else
I want to drink and smoke
And be so f***** up that my body and mind shut down
And I can’t feel feelings anymore
So I am a shell of what was once a life
I try to not focus on the pain
But I remember everything
What have I become?
My sweetest love, everyone I know goes away in the end
I don’t want to feel anymore
No pain
No suffering
No joy
No regret
Nothing
Pain and suffering are different
Pain is the feeling
Suffering is the effect that pain inflicts
This is why I say
If one can endure pain
One can live without suffering
And I am done suffering
All the time I want to get away
And be safe from the world and myself
I will endure the pain
But I will no longer suffer