I sat alone in the gazebo.
The emotional anguish,
was like nothing I had ever known .
It was bitter cold,
my fingers were beginning to go numb
and my ears began to ache as
the wind bit my cheeks
until they were red
and as raw as my crying eyes.

It was silent,
apart from my pained sobs
that remembered the devilish Mustang you drove
and the nights we shared on the trampoline,
where you’d smother me, to stay warm.
The nights that I thought were intimate
but really they were just a black hole
sucking me in
like your saccharine charm and
how you trapped me in your arms
and muttered false proclamations of love.
Like the way you lured me in,
drowning me in your ocean blue eyes
that matched the crooked grin you always gave me.

I hated you
for making me love you.
I loved you,
even when your words
cut me like blades.
Even when your eyes
stole glances at other girls,
and your condescension
made me feel like I deserved nothing
I still loved you.
And I hated it.

But what I really hated most,
what burned as fiercely as fire within me,
obliterating any feelings I had
were your lies.
You lied to me.
Straight to my face you mumbled them
“I promise I stopped seeing those friends,”
you’d assure me,
but I could smell the stench of smoke on you.
“I haven’t drank in months!”
you’d roar,
but the stale alcohol couldn’t be washed from your sharp tongue.

Congratulations, I wanted to say
when you let me go.
You got me.
You tricked me into thinking,
you loved me.
You got exactly what you wanted,
didn’t you?

Eventually,
you came back;
and I must admit
I smiled inside.
It made me happy
to know that your relationship failed.
I was glad that you missed me,
happy that my absence
hurt your heart,
elated that you finally saw
what you had.
But I’ll never come back to you.
And I hope knowing that,
destroys you inside,
just like when you
crushed me.