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I have the feelings. I know exactly what I want to say. But this blank sheet of paper isn't geting written on. And the lines are laughing in my face.
It seems that there are so many things I'd like to say. Things I've held in. Words jumbling around in my mind; moving so fast I can't keep track. Can't find and can't use this pen to let them be heard.
Can't you see how lost I am. How alone I am. Words can't find an output so they never leave. Pushing and pulling. HELP ME. But no one looks up.
Because my mind is the least of their worries. Their troubles. And if no one WANTS to listen, then whats the point of being heard.
I want to be happy. I really do. But every time I think of reasons I'm happy, my mind puts a bad one in its place.
I know you're here for me. I KNOW. But you're never an option. Sometimes the person who cares about you most is the person with the greatest expectations. Expectations I can't achieve.
Trying to reach. Trying to grasp. But then falling and eventually not getting up. You know that someday I won't be able to get up. Won't rise after the fall.
But people only think about things they want to. And sometimes being ignorant hurts less than the truth.
So I sit here. Plotting the time I can stand up and scream LISTEN...And actually be heard. Because I know your ears would rather be filled with sweeter voices than mine, but that doesn't mean I don't deserve your time.
And people are made with voices for a reason. Not for mindless chatter to fill up empty space. But for explaining and understanding.
Psh. Understanding? Not me, cause whenever I try to let it out, you stop me in my tracks. And saying I don't even know what pain is? Doesn't help in the least.
But I guess no one wants to know about others problems when you have some of your own.
You know what though? Thanks a lot. Cause being oblivious isn't a crime and you would probably help if. You. Just. Knew.
I have the feelings and I know exactly what I want to say...If only I would get up the courage. And tell you.