Cursed

May 7, 2011
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Feeling alone and so lost. So guarded and full of mistrust. The darkness is calling my name. I want to take my own life, but I promised you I wouldn’t. I feel like dying. My heart is broken and gone. So throw me a life preserver and beg for me not to turn around and swim. You scream out to me, but I float there heartless because you have it with you, I taste the poison of being alone. Anger flooding through my veins, It’s like a cocked gun pressed to my forehead. Locked and loaded my figure on the trigger. You pray I realize that you’re here to save me, but I’m just out of your reach, just slipping away.
Walking with a friend in the darkness is better than walking alone in the light. I’ve already embraced darkness. Once you’ve embraced the darkness, it never really goes away.
So I hold out my hand to you so we can be together you reach out to take it but then you seem to change your mind and start to pull it back. If you only reach out and take it we can walk these darkened roads together. You seem to be afraid of the darkness and you favor the light, but I have favored the darkness, and now want to be in the light. So together we don’t have to be afraid of anything. You wish you could save me from myself but I can barely survive a night in my own mind. You’re trying to rescue me, you pick up the pieces of my heart and put them back together, but when you finish putting it back together you seem to not have noticed that gave you my heart. So here I am lying dying inside, ready for you to come back to me or for time to take my life. I do whatever you wish. My heart will always be yours. My curse is, loving you but not being able to be with you. If there is any hope of us being able to be with each other, it lies in you standing up for your feelings.





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