Careless

April 14, 2011
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Without a care-
I am here.
Warn-out, empty-
But I am here.
Sitting, not listening-
Yet I am here.
Thinking, waiting,
At least I am here.
You know,
They say its better to be here,
I hate it though.
Neither do I like home.
I can't stand anywhere-
Well, when I'm with people people I forget.
No-
I never forget- why lie?
Some days are better than others.
Some days are worse.
I walk around with tears stapled to my eyes.
That cringing feeling in your throat-
When your about to let go- a huge river of water from your eyes
But I keep them in.
I keep that river from flowing.
Even when I'm "home" I keep it stopped,
Like a dam really.
But my dam breaks sometI'mes-
Not as much anymore.
I don't allow it to.
When I'm with people-
I can't break that dam.
No one can watch such a crI'me.
Being alone-
Whats that like?
I forgot.
See its like a current-
I loose myself in the current.
When alone-
I sleep.
But, I'm not lasy.
There's not much to do.
Sleep,eat.
Everything is a hassle.
Not just homework, life.
Life's not easy, I know.
Nothing no one else doesn't know.
But getting in the shower isn't that easy either.
Neither is waking up.
I enjoy sleep.
But i don't sleep a lot.
Just a night-
because I'm here.
Tired and empty-
yet I'm here.
Although i just sit-
I made it here.
And right now,
That's my goal.
I'm going to come here.
And sit.
Wait for each bell to ring-
walk out,
mind full of thoughts.
Yet to pretend I'm alright-
People know somethings up-
Really when I'm down,
but, I'm here.
The bags under my eyes show no sleep-
But, 9-6 is plenty.
I'm worn out.
Not in a since of sleep
When I was young I learned people get tired easy,
Seeing people sleep all the tI'me-
it was "normal" to me,
And when they awoken, still tired-
They said being sad makes you sleepy to.
So, I'm just sad.
Or maybe the bags are from stress.
Maybe both.
I'm here though,
Concealer is my best friend-
But shes not working as well anymore
When something gets too bad-
You cant cover it up completely.
Unless you sleep.
Sleep hides it all.
You can't sleep and be here too.
So-you ask what is wrong?
Tell me to be happy-
Yet I can't sleep HERE.
But "home" isn't happy either.
So, if I can sleep-
you'll see me happy.
But I'm here.
Worried, displeased-
I'm here.
Not much more I'd do.
Yes, I hang with friends-
But that's because they are like my sleep.
Only certain ones through-
Ones locked down upon.
But, I enjoy them.
So, I'm here-
and I'll stay here.
They say its good for me to be here-
So here I am.





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