Fading Fast

April 22, 2011
By , Douglasville, GA
Constant words that echo with the bite of scorn, looks which could say
More than words ever will and all the things that have never been said
Fall and disappear inside, fading fast as more and more of the harsh words
Slip past her defenses to join the already mile-high heap of hurtful things
That she can’t seem to let go of, can’t use to push others away
Protecting the fragile, shattered remain of a heart that never healed
Never completely got over being taken advantage of and destroyed.
She might never be the same when she gets better, the changes
Forced on her by events and people she didn’t have control to stop
All the way, she shut down and slowly, there’s another who pushes
Tears down every wall she’s ever built to help her, to protect her
Even though she doesn’t think she needs it, the ache is disappearing
Fading fast with every little thing he does to make her feel better
Everything he says that secretly heals a part of her that’s hurting….
A part that’s hurt so long, she feels so awkward now that it’s gone.

Nothing he says or does, in her head, could ever hurt as bad
As the possibility of him leaving, though she knows he won’t
Never as bad as those words, those looks, she couldn’t hide from
The emotional destruction that rendered her innocence an illusion
She tries so hard to dull the pain, her wrist bearing the evidence
Proof of the “extreme” measures she took to try to get rid of it all
From the bleeding and physical pain to the numb abandon she finds
Inside herself when everything starts to dig too deep for her comfort.
Struggling too hard to hide what hurts, she’s slowly destroying herself
Causing more harm than good because she doesn’t know when to ask
Ask for the help she desperately needs, her insistence to lean on no one
But herself becoming the poison whose antidote she can’t find
Can’t see is right in front of her, if only she’d lift the blindfold
Remove the false convictions she has about the others around her
The things she believes that aren’t true in any way…

Wake up honey, it’s time to let go, you’re fading fast, faster and faster
Too fast to keep your grip on anyone that wants to help you back up
Let loose that beautiful girl you still have inside you because
If you keep her locked inside, no one can see her smile, her beauty.
She’s only around the corner, don’t regret this on top of all the changes
You wish you could take back, the ways you pushed everyone away
Cut yourself free from that distrust you’re bent on clinging to, it’s ok
Okay to fall apart, they won’t look down on you, treat you
The way the others did. Open up; see all the good it does for you…

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