Not Grown Up Just Yet

April 27, 2011
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When you hold tons on your shoulders,
Your head begins to sink,
& your posture becomes quite poor
Your legs beneath you buckle and clank
Never take more than you can handle

I lifted 10 years to soon
So much to carry, such fragile limbs
Boys pulled me by the skirt,
All I ever got was hurt
And the weight kept doubling

Mysteries of the world got involved
& Judgement was impaired,
So f***** up, for just a little girl
I thought I was so grown,
& Pain was just a part of it
Not this pain, not these kinds of people
These decisons are not ones I should be making

Detachment, from the only ones who will always care
I found shelter under the covers of my bed
Tears didn't exist, dry heaves were frequent
I was all dried up, from the inside out
Mistake after mistake, I discovered a pattern
What was I doing?

When I felt I quit tumbling down Everest,
I stayed looking how far I was from the top,
But even further from the bottom
My immobility lasted too short, one last mistake
One short steep fall, I had hit a wall
One that kept me from going any further down

I looked up, and saw how much I had to climb
That weight I carried on my back,
It sure Got heavier on the adventure down
Pebbles turned into rocks and bolders
Each step forward, I felt the tons wobble
It all wanted to be released
Why not? It made sense to let it go
Wouldn't the journey be so much easier?

I untied the rope keeping it all together,
All the rocks ran away, gone, behind me
My head was thrown up, and back straightened
My steps were faster, further

I'm ready to keep this lovely view
It was a b**** to get to
Here I am,
Proud of where I stand,
& The Distance I've Traveled, Up Hill

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