L'amour Propre

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Some of us
The messed up teens
They say today’s our day
To find a soulmate, man or wife
But really, it’s all play

10th grade starts with feeling grief
Of finding quite few friends
Then I gain some confidence
And as such, that sorrow ends

I try, and try with all my might
For that to be enough
Yet with this mindset, it’s too hard
To find life to be all fluff

December comes, with all the snow
And desperate for some cheer
Ever so slowly, some flirtation
From my best friend’s boy I hear

I sense the angered thoughts and glares
As he pokes me with delight
At first, I try to step away
I’d rather not start a fight

2010 is here to stay
When he grabs my hand to skate
I’m thinking, Phil and Kira
Perhaps that is our fate

Although something was iffy
That much I really knew
When, after kissing his girlfriend,
Points and tells me, “You’re mine too”

My heart is doing constant flips
My brain has turned a mess
It is absolutely vital
That of this boy, I think much less

Two weeks pass without a blink
When facebook tells it all
Their relationship, though weakening
Has finally taken its fall

For those two, I feel so awful
Yet sickly filled with glee
Expecting him to now admit
He’s got his eyes on me

Obsession’s reached a high point
I just want this to be done
When some kid is your entire life
It quickly proves not fun

I try maniacally reading
Just to show I am not dumb
There’s no way he’ll take a girlfriend
Who is some blondey chum

We talk it out on IM
And unlike those who are men
I finally do it, I take the plunge
Asking, “est-ce que tu m’aimes bien?”

After much confusion
And thinking it all through
He actually admits it
That he likes me, it is true

He calls to make sure I’m okay
Sends messages online
With all this, I do believe
The kid is oh so fine

He wants to take me skiing
On the day of Valentine
By this point, I’m freaking
Could this be a sign?

After I fall quite so often
In front of a cute male
He tells me much more often
He thinks that I do fail

“You’re worthless,” comes up next
I’m so desperate not to cry
It’s undeniably hurtful
that I like him, I don’t know why

I tell him with great force
This has got to stop
But I stupidly say sorry
To not seem like the love cop

He messes with me further
Says that he shant be so mean
Yet I’m slowly growing wary
His dark side I have seen

All the spark has gone away
As I am sure that this is it
He confirms with “it’s all over”
That smug face I want to hit

A weekend solely sobbing
But he’s got no d**n clue
No decency to really care
If I am feeling blue

Staying friends, we talk some more
I fake it with a smile
Secretly, it’s my idea
He’ll want me in a while

Insensitive and sneaky
Describing all these girls
And giving me a play by play
Of how his crush unfurls

Keri, Megs, Paulina
All the ones he will desire
While my teeth all clench viciously
And my mind turns into fire

The flirting never finalizes
He wants me still unsure
A player in his prime
He’s got my heart to lure

Through these days he can tell
I am not yet free
Staying plastered to his side
The other boys I do not see

Once it’s much less painful
Even seeing him at Ren
He’ll notice my contentment
And insult me once again

The time to put an end to this
It’s never been so clear
But I give him one last chance
A lost friendship I do fear

Though he says we’d never make it
We would surely end in pain
A mutual agreement
I am forced to feign

His actions, so confusing
Will still evoke some sighs
But through this frayed friendship
I notice other guys

Although this poem is ending
My feelings are still deep
Yet I know it’s time to move on
From this first love named Philippe





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