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Misunderstood Love

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I.
So we used to hate each other but now—

No, that sounds stupid.

Ok, so I know that we are friends…

Hmm… No.

So I look at you and…

Blah. Do you see how tongue-tied you make me?

Ok, bottom line.
I love you.

Why?

I don’t know.
You make me feel things I never felt.
Is it love?
I’m not sure.
But I do know that this is making crazy.
Not knowing how I feel.

You make me feel…
Dare I say that word?
Happy.
There I said it.
You make me feel happy,
And I smile when I talk to you.

I can’t be mad at you;
Well I never found reason to be mad at you.
I hate feeling this way because,
Well… you are my best friend,
And I always hoped that it wouldn’t be anything more.
It would make things awkward
And what if you reject me
And my heart gets broken?

This mushy feeling,
Love,
Or whatever it is,
I hate it.
It makes me feel weak,
And weakness is something I dislike.
I do not like the feeling of being in love.

I talk to you late at night,
And I feel happy,
I can lie on my bed staring at the ceiling
While listening to you.

I know I sound crazy,
And when you read this poem you are going to be like
“What the heck?”
But this is how I feel,
And I cannot hide my feelings any longer.

With every new girlfriend you get,
I sit back,
Fake a smile,
And hope deep down
That it doesn’t work out.

Why?

Because I love you.
I want to be the one that you love too.
Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself,
I sound like a hopeless romantic.
It’s driving me crazy.

I usually sit around in the silence and think.
I finally realized who I was thinking about.
It was you.
All this time I was thinking about you
And I can’t take it any longer.
It’s driving me crazy.

This isn’t how it works out in the movies.
Normally the girl gets the guy of her dreams
And they get married,
And so on and so forth.
What does a girl like me get?
I get to watch the guy I like go out with girls.

Maybe I was born in the wrong century.
I should have been born in the century when
Parents would arrange marriages.
Then I wouldn’t have to worry
About dating and love.

I don’t know.
Maybe I’ll shut up
Before I really make a fool of myself.
(I think I already did.)

So that’s it. I love you.

II.
No.
I lied.

I cannot shut up.

Why?

Because every time I see you…
I smile,
Every time I hear your voice…
My heart leaps,
Every time I smell you…
I feel like crying
Because you are so near.
Yet so far.

Oh god, how I hate you.

Why do you tease me?
Why do you allow yourself
To be near me fully knowing
That I have feelings for you.
I told you I liked you.
You reciprocated those feelings.
What happened?

Why did you tell me this?
But never allow anything more?

Why did you allow our friendship
To continue?
But distance yourself?

Why do you call yourself my best friend?
But not know how much you are hurting me?

Every time I see you with a girl
Other than me
I want to tear her limbs off,
One by freaking one
But I can’t…

Why can’t I?

Because then you would be angry.
And I do not wish to see you like that.

III.
Love.
They say hate is a strong word.
But…
Love is a powerful word.
Even more strong than hate.

Love can make you feel so strong
Yet so weak.

I feel weak when I am near you,
But I feel strong when I am not by you.

You know, when I was a little girl,
My mother used to tuck me into bed
And read me a story.

About princesses,
And dragons,
And brave knights.

Then she would tell me
“You will meet a brave knight
Who will save you from my clutches.”

I love you,
But you are not my knight in shining armour.
No.
You are a mere peasant in tin foil
And you are not worthy of me.

I will find someone who will love me
The way I deserve to be loved,
Who will treat me
The way I deserve to be treated.
Because I am a princess,
And I need a prince.

You are not a prince.
You are NOT a prince.
No.
You are not a prince.

IV.
But you will continue to be on my mind.
Why?
Because I love you.





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