Can you force yourself into passion?
With people, no.
You've already proven that with the men in your life, you heartless, selfish, girl, you.
But with subjects?
Did you find yourself into literature, or did it find you?
But could you love computer science?
For that would be the key to your life.
Search into the dark, formidable areas of your mind,
sweet girl.
Look hard,
even when it feels impossible,
when it feels painful,
when it feels inherently wrong.
Because it would be such a valuable treasure to hold,
to be able to love
what will make your life inexplicably lovely,
your parents ferociously proud,
and the world crumble at your will.

you've been many a dark places in your life
where the worst feelings you could possibly feel
somehow caught fire and got comedically worse.
you can't help but question
is this the result of excessive hesitation?
your way of remedy for indecisiveness?
No, you are not a little girl
singing of your play-aspirations of becoming a doctor
hoping your giddy parents
will just please Please PLEASE
give you that extra scoop of mint chocolate chip!
You are, instead, an 18-year-old
adult-in-denial
who has gone from zero to one-hundred percent
on the career anxiety gage
in less than a month.
And ridiculously,
the gage rises.

So, you ask again,
this short of breath,
silent,
smothering sensation--
could it be that you backed yourself onto the edge of a fragile, glass cliff?

All life seems to be filled with,
are moments of severe
uncomfortableness:
Stressing, studying, dieting, worrying what others think of you
and all the spans of time in between:
Sleeping, eating, reading, frolicking.
So, what is four more years of it?
Being uncomfortable.


Oh, but the potential!
Poetry, prose, insight and beautiful, gorgeous, remarkable diction
could fill your days!
You would fall so madly in love,
you'd never need another human soul
as long as you choose to live.
You could write books;
real, leather-bound,
with pages containing words,
consisting of letters,
holding meanings that would
erupt in volcanoes of encores.
Music would escape as the binding cracked open.
No.
Could.
Music could
escape and
meanings could
erupt in volcanoes.
Oh.
Laughable.
Because they probably won't.
Which is why you're seriously
(and most unfortunately)
considering a computer science major.