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Bathroom time

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It hurts to look in the mirror before I paint my face
Because my eyes look twice as big
With cute, long eyelashes
And my skin looks nice
Not too perfect or matte and just enough flaws to look real
After I’m done

It hurts to look in the mirror before my hair is curled
The hair is important- it frames my face
Enough volume so that my face looks longer
And a tiny bit of sculpting foam for it to retain that fluffiness throughout the day

It hurts to look in the mirror in between the time
I stuff my face and burn off at least eight hundred calories
Eight hundred is the magic number for my legs and two fifty for my arms
And to not sink to the floor next to the toilet
After a stressful day of studying and eating
Is more damaging to my self esteem than if people were to find out what I did to lose weight

It hurts to look in the mirror before I put on my cute outfit
Because I know which cuts make me look even skinnier than I already am
Skirt not too short, but still enough to let the world know that I’ve got stellar legs
Shirt hugging all the right places and accentuating my boobs (which could be a little bit bigger)
But not too tight because nobody’s immune to a muffin top

After all the trouble I’ve gone through
I’d like to think that I’m at least a little pretty
I like feeling pretty
It feels nice to have people want to talk to you
It’s nice to have people compare you to a Barbie doll

The only problem is
Like the Barbie doll, I’m not real
The girl that people adore is just an illusion
A façade that the old me has put up
To hide all the hurt and pain from years before
From those cruel, insensitive remarks of passersby in my life

But I won’t cry thinking of the past
Because I’ll look in the mirror one last time before I’m off to school
And I’ll be smiling and looking pretty



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