You lied to me,
Told me what I wanted to hear.
But it hurt me more than helped.
You built me up on a base of false hopes.
With walls of your lies.
And sealed in all the cracks,
With the dust of the broken dreams
That never came true.
And now I lie here
Staring at my skin
And I ponder of how to tear me down.
To take all the lies,
And false hopes,
And broken dreams,
And start all over.
The only way to accomplish such a deed
Is to take down the walls of my body,
My skin.
My barrier to the world.
And so with this realization,
I take my hand and press my weapon to my skin
And I scratch.
My nails are biting now,
Stinging with every stroke.
The little dots of red
Sprinkle my body like the freckles of an innocent child,
Who spent their childhood basking their fair skin
In the sun on the playground.
And as fast as the specks pop up,
My tears fall from my face
To soothe the wounds I now create.
And its like this for months.
You built me well.
Its always the same routine,
I steadily tear down a brick from my foundation
Each and every day.
And only one brick,
One little raw scratch on my skin.
Demolition could have happened faster,
In only a matter of days.
But no,
I stop here each time.
One patch of red
As I stretch out the process.
I can't get enough.
I'm in control now.
And just as much as I wish to get to my foundation
And start over again,
I wish to keep on going.
I'm addicted to the control.
And as I tear down one more brick,
I think that I may never reach the bottom
Of this life of lies you had me lead.
But maybe,
Just maybe,
I'll be alright with that.
As long as I have one more brick to tear down.