Enhance Me

Take apart my DNA,
and put it back together,
however you want,
change me,
rearrange me,
make me superior,
enhance me,
make me beautiful,
and intelligent too,
get rid of those ugly hereditary genes,
make me one of a kind,
with a doctored up mind.





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This article has 18 comments. Post your own now!

Emily.L said...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 10:34 pm
I liked this one a lot! (:
 
Raytheraym replied...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 11:22 pm
Thank you!
 
Alon_Freevoice said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 12:52 am
But too bad, I still can't be perfect :((( Good job on this!
 
Raytheraym replied...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 12:59 am
Thanks! :)
 
SamiLou said...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Wow, this kind of reminds me of he book "Brave New World" and what I've heard of of the Uglies series (i havent read it). It just shows that people really value that perfection that isnt possible in out original DNA. Great job!
 
Raytheraym replied...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 6:34 pm
Thanks! A lot of people that have read it said that it reminded them of "The Uglies". But, I haven't read them. I was kind of thinking of "Maximum Ride" when I wrote it.
 
SamiLou replied...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 7:17 pm
now that i think about it, it is kind of like "Maxium Ride"!
 
redhairCat This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 3, 2011 at 8:37 pm
I really like it!
 
Raytheraym replied...
Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:43 am
Thanks! :)
 
yellowflower said...
May 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Wow i love the symbolism and the way the words rhyme occasionally but do not overpower the poem! Really good! keeping writing!
 
yellowflower replied...
May 29, 2011 at 1:26 pm
*keep writing!
 
Raytheraym replied...
May 29, 2011 at 4:16 pm
Thank you very much!
 
.Izzy. said...
May 23, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Wow! The last two lines were definitely my favorite part of the poem. Keep writing!
 
Raytheraym replied...
May 23, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Thanks! :)
 
KyleG This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 29, 2011 at 10:14 am
This is pretty cool. My only suggestion is consider a different way of saying "doctored-up mind." The doctor/medical connotation is valuable here as it fits the theme, but I personally felt a sense of dissapointment at the last line. I was expecting something with bit more edge. You could even add a line between "make me one of a kind" and "with a doctored up mind" while retaining the important rhyme. I suggest this because you might be able to set up that final line for an even heavier hit. 
 
Raytheraym replied...
May 29, 2011 at 11:19 am
Thanks! I really like it as is, though. But, thanks. :)
 
Shadowrider replied...
Jun. 11, 2011 at 9:59 pm
Nice job! This poem is funny and striking at the same time. Keep writing. I want to read more of your work. If you could help me out and post some comments on my poem "Destinies Entwined" that would be great! I could really use the feedback. I'm pretty new at writing and this site. ANY tips would be wonderful!
 
Raytheraym replied...
Jun. 12, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Thank you!. And sure, I'll check yours out.
 
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