I sit here thoughts swarming through my head. I find over and over that I don’t miss you. No, I don’t miss you at all. I wonder how you’re doing, but I don’t wish you were here. I don’t miss your kiss or your touch. The things I used to love. I don’t miss hearing your voice or any little detail that used to mean something No aching in my chest at the mention of your name, just curiosity as to if your okay. I’ve found my one necessity. He has dangerous blue eyes with a charming smile that could kill me instantly. I thought I knew happiness and then found that with him I can be free. He saves me in the way you never could. Nothing with this brilliant man is forced. Every moment flows so freely. It’s as if my hands were made to hold his. To me it seems as if all my prayers have been answered. God finally heard my cries and sent this gorgeous, hansome, charming, sweet guardian angel my way. I feel all eyes on me constantly, as if every one is waiting for me to break down in tears. It seems they wonder when their fears will be confirmed, and I’ll wish I had you back. Truth is that day will never come because I’ve asked myself that very question and confronted all the things that should bring me pain. None of the things like your name bring me any pain. You have become just a face in a crowd. The meaning you once held has faded and eroded. No longer do you bring me joy nor pain. My guardian angel has become all that I can see. The only thing that still holds meaning to me. When I was lost and in pain. Trapped in my own torturous mind, he found me. After all the damage you added to the mess that was already there, he showed me truth. He provided me with the key to my shackles. No I don’t wish you no harm for no longer can you hurt me.
April 19, 2011