Sick of Your Cross

April 3, 2011
By , San Francisco, CA
Forget about it
That's what you said to me today
And I laughed out loud
Because what the hell does that mean?
Here you are,
Pouring all of your emotions into the keys of your phone
And here I am,
Just sitting on my bed
(Trying to do my homework, mind you)
And trying to make you happy
Because I worry too much
About you, about everyone
And I don't want your suffering to be my fault too
But I have to wonder, how much are you really suffering?
I'm going through hell here too
And you don't seem to understand that I'm busy
That I actually have a life that extends beyond frivolous text messages
And I worry so much about everything
That sometimes it feels like I'm drowning
In my emotions and everyone else's
I sat through countless boyfriends with the awwwws and how sweets that were required
And was your chocolate and television after the fallouts
Does he love me? He hates me.
Of course he loves you. He can't hate you.
I'm such a loser.
Of course you're not.
And when your parents found out about everything
I almost laughed out loud, because it was inevitable.
What goes up must come down, right?
And so you were cut off from the rest of the world
Only to text me during a math test when you were reconnected
Brrrrft… wonder who that could be, making my phone vibrate?
All that followed was your fallout with Boy and Parents
And it's driving me to the brink of throwing my phone at the wall
I thought being like sisters was supposed to be like symbiosis
Birds living on the rhinoceros getting food and shelter
Rhinoceros getting groomed
But instead I feel like all you do is take, take, take
Sucking the life out of me
I don't want to call you a parasite, but
I wonder if dogs have to sit there listen to fleas talk about boyfriends
When the dog just wishes the guy-dogs liked her at all.
Look, I love you
If I didn't, I would have never tried to protect your feelings
I would never have responded to the messages in the first place
But you
I need
To be
Loved too.
To not just be on the receiving end
And not feel bad about talking to you about my problems
Because I don't want to make you feel any worse.
And could you stop making me try to feel sorry for you?
Because I do.
And it's one more cross to bear
Amidst my cart of crosses
That I lug around on a daily basis
And I really would like a break, mind you.
But I love you.
And I know you love me
But if you really loved me as much as sisters do
You would know that sometimes
My heart cannot take all that is thrown at it
And sometimes it needs to rest.

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