My Mother Is Not My Keeper

By , New York, NY
Dear Mom,
I never got to tell you why I act the way I act,
Or say the things that I say,
See,
Since 9/11,
Everything has been breaking down around me,
Buildings turn into my heart,
Society becomes fire,
And those extremist become you,
I become the target,

Mom,
You expect me to wear my hijab proudly,
The hijab isn't a shelter,
I can't hide behind hijabs,
Nor can it protect me from the stares,
The lies,
The hurt,
The pain.

Now you expect me to sin Monday to Friday,
Pray to a God you expect me to believe in,
Dear Mom,
Do you know that I am in love?

Her name is Melly,
Yes mom,
She makes me happy,
Even though you may not approve,
It is okay.

Even though I come to you,
Heart full of questions,
Mind full of decisions,
And mouth full of unmentionables.

You still manage to push me away,
So dear mom,
I am sorry I am not perfect,
I am sorry that I lie,
I am sorry that I am gay.

I promise myself,
That if my daughter was to ever come to me,
bearing questions,
not noticing her own reflection,
and forgetting the lyrics to her heart beat,
I would be there.

Lastly,
Mommy,
I am sorry for ever believing that when I fall,
You would be there to catch me.





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