if there were no light then this would be easier, you whispered, and the lights were low and Requiem For a Dream was playing on your computer and every part of my body ached to be closer to you and then you were gone and I was standing in the bathroom pulling my hair out strand by strand but your fingers were nowhere. at night I wake up and there is a scream caught in my throat; there are children huddled around the bed, peering down at me; there are men and women that stand like cattle, their eyes a deep white, chewing at their arms and fingers. the bald boy sits at a dining room table at night, smiling over and over again, laughing manically at the approaching cars on the side of the road. he stumbles towards me, grinning, and my fingers wither into dried flesh on my lips as I try to silence him.
lamps without bulbs sat around me in a circle, and I could feel the sounds of fighting and locked doors everywhere. the light from the window painted the shower golden and droplets of water reflected off of everything and she was so beautiful in the hot tub while we numbed our minds with the colors reflecting off legs, arms, eyes, and stomachs as if it were some type of sacred ritual. She scratches the skin off of the side of her thumb and hands it to me as if it’s a gift. I reach for it.

When was the last time you felt carefree?

(rolls over uncomfortably, leg shaking, fingers trembling)
Two days ago, lying on his chest and talking. I don’t know what about. Anything? Everything? It gets to a point where even if there was a difference, it wouldn’t matter because everything feels like poetry now. He speaks my language, ya know? the language of movies late at night. bliss, that sort of thing. you spend enough time together, and your bodies start to move around the other’s with ease, one move triggering a reacting move in the other. it’s all a part of your subconscious after a long enough time. you don’t know you’re doing it, you just move and react and feel according to what the last six months have told you. bites, secrets, his hands cupping my face, my hand reaching out to brush away his hair, it all feels natural.