March 26, 2011
She walks in,
and stifles a scream,
when she sees,
that you're gone,
she calls 911,
but it's a little too late,
because that pill bottle,
has already been emptied,
people will talk about your life,
and wonder why,
but they'll never know,
because you weren't brave enough,
to ask for help,
and it's ridiculous,
but I hope you don't mind,
that I call you wicked.

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This article has 8 comments. Post your own now!

Emily.L said...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 10:37 pm
This was a really strong poem, even if it was a little short. Keep writing!
Raytheraym replied...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 11:21 pm
Thank you!
Eirias said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Okay. You gave me a little more to work with than "Melissa." Let's start at the top.

I've said this for so many people's poems, but either rhyme all the time, or not at all. If you rhyme once, it calls attention to that spot, so it should be the climax or the end. "Gone" and "911" DON'T work.

I would take out the comma at the end of line one, I think it works better with enjambment. Same with line 3. I would end line 4 in a dash (--) and then "Calling ni... (more »)

Raytheraym replied...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 5:56 pm
Thanks for the advice!
CieraDesiree said...
Jun. 11, 2011 at 8:25 pm
I liked this subject and the way you chose to write about it
Raytheraym replied...
Jun. 12, 2011 at 1:28 pm
Thanks! :)
SamiLou said...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 2:43 pm
Wow.... this is just chilling. It shows how much suicide impacts everyone close to the person. It's not just all about you. This is amazing.
Raytheraym replied...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 6:35 pm
Thank you very much!
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