Why me??

March 23, 2011
My entire life
I’ve only know true happiness
For a short time.

Why is this?

It’s because there always seems
To be something; or some one
Always ready to knock me down
So that I’ll never obtain true happiness

But I have experienced true happiness
But at limited times in my life
All those times there was one
Common factor… I had someone
Special in my life.

But even in that time of
Pure and unimaginable happiness
Something ALWAYS goes wrong.

I always ruin it!

Why do I do this to myself
I don’t know…
I make stupid mistakes
That ultimately destroys these
Moments of pure joy

There’s nothing in life
That I’d love more than to have another chance
To prove my worth to

But that’ll never happen
You’ve told me time
time again…

Ever since we broke up
I’ve always tried to
Get you back in my
Life, whether you know that
Or not.

You don’t seem to
Understand how painful
It is to see you with
Your arms wrapped
Around someone else
Other than me
The pain literally
Kills me!

There’s that little part of me
That thinks you know
Exactly how much
That hurts me.

I’ve cried myself to sleep
Many times thinking about
How much I miss you.
How can you not tell
How much you mean to

Perhaps you really are
Just that oblivious
To the fact, or do you just
Don’t care?!

I know you don’t
Care about me as much as
I care about you.

So why do I keep trying
To get you back in
My life?!
Especially when I
Know deep down
In my heart
That it’s a loss cause!!

There’s just something about
You that makes it all
Worth it in the long
Run… for if you
Finally realize that we
Belong together… Everything
I’ve done wouldn’t have been
For nothing

But time and time
Again I’m rejected.

Before I met you my
Heart was as cold as
Ice… then things happened
And my heart went black
For the longest of time..
I was ready to just give up on
Life completely!
But as they say…

“as one door closes,
Another one opens”.

And there you were…
In one of my darkest hours
Someone for me to bear
My heart to!
I had never felt as loved
As I felt when i was with you
I’m not the type of person
To keep my feelings to myself
So I told my closest friends
About this extraordinary person
In my life. A stupid mistake
On my part…
For that was the
Start of the end for us…

You couldn’t take it
Anymore… and your feelings
For me; diminished greatly.
And thus turned my life
Into a downward spiral of

I remember the last words
I ever said to you
As your boy friend…

“I never loved you!”

Again my heart has turned cold.
And I wanted nothing to do
With you.
But yet I was unable
To keep you out of my
And truth be told;
I’ve never stopped
Loving you…

How can I be in love
With someone who doesn’t even love
Me back?!
I realize that I may never
Feel your loving embrace again…
I’m prepared to live with that

For this is the life I’ve chosen,
The day to day feelings of
Pain, depression, and abandonness
Casted aside as if I were nothing
To you.
It's nothing I haven’t dealt with

Perhaps one day you’ll
Realize that we were
Meant for one another;
Only time will be
Able to answer that
For sure…

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