March 17, 2011
I open my eyes to find more darkness
Hearing nothing besides the sound of my breath
Ceiling and walls encase me
Fear builds up inside me
I thrash around
Hoping that the walls would budge
But they only seem to close in on me more
My heart races as I desperately cry out
Knowing nothing could hear me

My fear turns into hopelessness
I begin to cry
I cry until I run out of tears
Then I calm down
I start to think about the walls
Not as an enemy, but as fact

As I think
Rays of light start to shine
Through the walls
That surrounds me
I start to feel relief
As the light swallowed the darkness
See the outside world
The clouds first with the crisp blue sky behind them.

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This article has 15 comments. Post your own now!

Thorn said...
Oct. 2, 2011 at 9:46 pm

That was truly gorgeous. The only thing I would suggest is some punctuation to make it flow better.

-Thorn :)

Regs_the_Shorty said...
Sept. 23, 2011 at 7:48 pm
Love it!!!!
MagicMan2011 replied...
Sept. 26, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Thank you  
cowgirl4ever said...
Aug. 26, 2011 at 8:30 pm
I can really relate to that, and I always enjoy poems that have hope at the end. Nice ending, and well-written!
MagicMan2011 replied...
Sept. 26, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Thanks I really apreciate it. This was my first good piece that i have written i think. It really got me interested in writing.
thetruthawaits94 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 21, 2011 at 10:14 pm
i love how you ended this. I was hoping for a happy ending! haha. good job!
MagicMan2011 replied...
Aug. 21, 2011 at 10:29 pm
Thanks and it is the ending to this is the first sentence in my other piece "In a Dream:Befor" which was the first thing I published on here. I was thinking about making them a trilogy and fixing them up but so far I havnt gotten around to it.
ohheyyyelli said...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Agree with the flow, but if you read it a couple of times, you can pick up a unique sort of flow. The writing was beautiful though!
AlaskaFrost This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 18, 2011 at 9:29 pm
I really like this poem! I like how you describe your feelings, and just in general, I think it's a beautiful poem. I agree with Little-miss-mistakes that you might want to add some punctuation, but other than that, it's very well written!
MagicMan2011 replied...
Aug. 18, 2011 at 9:31 pm
This is one of my earlier poems. The best Ive written is Puck Farm. Thanks everyone for your reviews.
JerseyGirl716 replied...
Aug. 18, 2011 at 11:04 pm
I loved it, but agree with everyone else about the flow being off. If this was one of your earlier poems, you were off to a great start!
Raytheraym said...
Aug. 18, 2011 at 8:26 pm
This is really good! :)
musicispassion said...
Aug. 16, 2011 at 9:05 pm
beautiful poem i love it i really like the last stanza
Love.Hate.Passion. said...
Aug. 15, 2011 at 7:12 pm
Although the flow of the poem was choppy , the poem is beautiful. Keep writing!
little-miss-mistakes said...
Aug. 15, 2011 at 4:59 pm
this is really good!!! i especially like the end stanza and he first one, and the second one..... I like all of them!! One thing, try adding some punctuation, not every line but a little bit would help with the flow
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